Shadows of Ra
by Ruby
Summary: After ten years in space, Tobias returns home to escape the memories of his past, but what he finds is a love so deep, so disturbing, it can't possibly last...
1. Homecoming

  
**_A/N: READ THIS FIRST: _**   
This is a romance story involving an unconventional pairing. I wrote it _because_ I wanted to explore a relationship between two canon characters that has never been developed in either the books _or_ fanfiction. It was a bit of a challenge even finding one! But I saw that althought Tobias has been paired with just about everyone, and Jordan's been with both Marco and Ax, they've never been together. I'm a big R/T fan, so I couldn't see them just arbitrarily getting together. I needed a reason. I found it in _'Shadows of Ra'_.   
For you R/T lovers, there is plenty in the first few part. But this is still a Tobias/Jordan story, so don't start flaming me, because I did warn you (and yes, Rachel is dead, I couldn't possibly have her and Tobias break up). There is some Marco/Other, a little J/C, some Jordan/Other, and a bit of Tobias/Other. I nicknamed this 'Tobias and the Women he Slept With' for a reason. There is sex, profanity, and plenty of violence in this. Not too much in this section, but later parts will be rated R. Nothing too graphic, but I didn't write this for anyone younger than thirteen.   
Also, since _I_ wrote this, there is way too much angst and you'll probably drown in the sap.   
Note: I started writing this about 6 months ago, so anything #45 onward isn't taken into account. Call it an Alternate-Reality future fic :P There are 5 more parts to this, so it's not unlikely that the books will finish before I do...::cough::   
PS: The song/poem is MINE. ALL MINE!!! Mwahahahahahaha!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**__**

Shadows of Ra 

When I met you I thought I knew   
Just how things were to be   
But I was wrong and then you were gone   
And things would never be the same   
**_  
Homecoming _**  
_  
All my life I looked for you   
But when I found you, you left   
And all I was left with   
Was a Shadow of the Past _  
  
  
The young man stepped off the platform and looked around the spaceport. It felt queer being here again after nearly ten years in space. He had left when he was sixteen, he and the other Animorphs. Animorphs. The word was pretty meaningless now. They had gone their separate ways, and while people knew about the invasion and the resistance, few actually knew the identities of the members. None of that really mattered since he had been in space, but now...   
Tobias wondered what the others were doing just now. He knew Jake and Cassie were on the Andalite homeworld but he hadn't talked to them for a few years.   
Tobias briefly wondered if they had any children now. They had married when they were twenty. Ironic, considering Jake proposed when he was only fifteen. Five years was a long time for an engagement. But Tobias thought it fitted Jake and Cassie. They were the steady, patient type -willing to wait 'til things settled down before tying the knot and having a family. They had always been the reliable type. Not like him and Rachel. No, they had gotten married a full fifteen minutes after he proposed. They had convinced some poor bewildered priest to do it. It didn't really matter to Tobias and Rachel that it wasn't a proper wedding, or that neither of them were Roman Catholic, but they were still wed by a Catholic priest. Rachel was half-Jewish, and he was Protestant, though not a very good one at that. (He had never been baptized, and never remembered going to church, but apparently his parents were Protestant or something like that, or at least the people everyone thought were his parents.) Seconds after 'I do', they jumped on the waiting Andalite ship and headed into space. It was the day after Rachel turned sixteen.   
Tobias and Rachel had been stationed on a Dome Ship, battling Yeerks near the Eleca system, and it was there, during a battle on the ground, that Rachel died. Cut down by Hork-Bajir blades as she fought. A stray Dracon beam had vaporized the body.   
Tobias closed his eyes against the flood of memories. No, he could not think of Rachel now. He had come back, back to Earth to escape the past. Back home.   
It was funny to think of Earth as home. He had no home here. For the past ten years, his home had been a Dome ship.   
But Marco, Marco of all people, had been the one to convince him to come home. Marco was getting married, and he insisted that Tobias be an usher. There was no getting out of it.   
Besides, Tobias had nothing left in space now. He had received an honorary discharge due to injury. Tobias hadn't been wounded in battle, nor was he missing any limbs. No, Tobias was trapped. Now that he had no natural weapons, he was useless to the Andalites.   
They had offered him a strategic job, probably Jake's doing, but he had turned it down. Tobias was born to fly, not sit at a desk and bark orders. No, that was always Jake's job. But Tobias wasn't bitter. Jake had tried his best.   
He had been wondering what to do with his life, when Marco's invitation came through the Z-space channels. Tobias had nothing to lose, so he accepted.   
And now, here he was.   
Tobias knew Marco worked with developing computer technologies, cutting edge stuff that some Andalite had probably sneaked him, but he didn't know what Marco looked like. It had been ten years, and he bet Marco had changed since then. Tobias sure had. He was taller now, not quite as lanky, but not buff either. His dirty blond hair had darkened slightly over the years, and he knew if he grew a beard and mustache (which he had tried once to see what it looked like) he was completely unrecognizable, which was why he was clean-shaven now. He couldn't make it any harder for Marco to find him.   
Well he could, but he wasn't that mean.   
"Tobias!" A man waved in the distance.   
Tobias recognized him immediately. He raised his arm and waved back.   
Marco jogged over and Tobias looked him up and down. Marco hadn't changed at all. He was taller, and had a dark tan, but he still had that perpetual smirk on his face.   
"Good to see you again, Bird Boy." Marco stuck out him hand and Tobias shook it. It felt weirdly comforting to hear himself called by his old nickname.   
Then Marco pulled him into a hug. "Welcome back."   
Tobias nodded. "Thanks for inviting me."   
Marco grinned as he gestured for Tobias to follow him. "I couldn't have a wedding without the Animorphs."   
Tobias sighed as he walked beside Marco along the walkway towards the parking lot. "The Animorphs minus one." He whispered bitterly to himself, remembering.   
Marco didn't answer for a long time, but when he finally did, he said. "You still miss Rachel, don't you?"   
Tobias winced at the name. "Yeah."   
Marco nodded. "Alright, man. I understand. Took me a long time to let go of Mom too."   
Tobias had heard that Visser One's ship had been destroyed in battle, and that she had not escaped. The news must have had devastated Marco.   
Marco studied his friend. "But you know you'll have to let her go eventually, right? When you're ready." He smiled. "But until then, just know you can count on me."   
"Thanks." Tobias knew Marco was right. He had to let go...eventually.   
"What are friends for?"   
There was silence after that.   
  
Finally, they reached Marco's car. Marco popped open the trunk and took Tobias suitcase from him.   
Marco held up the suitcase. "Good grief, you travel light! This thing looks like one of those cases you see pilots dragging around." He cracked a grin. "Then again, you _are_ a pilot now, aren't you? Flying those Andalite fighters?"   
"Retired pilot." Tobias corrected.   
Marco dropped the suitcase in the trunk and slammed it shut. "Close enough." He walked to the other side of the car. "Come on! Get in."   
Tobias opened the door and sat in. He glanced around the car. "Nice." He remarked, feeling the leather interior.   
Marco patted the dashboard lovingly. "It's a '04 Porsche 911, but I put in a hydrogen-electric hybrid engine, so while it didn't lose any of its original power, it's still environmentally friendly."   
"Cassie would approve." Tobias said, amused.   
"Have you talked to her and Jake?" Marco asked.   
Tobias shook his head. "Not in years."   
"Well, I called them on the Z-space channels, and they promised to come down for the wedding, so you'll see them there. Jake's best man, you know."   
Marco stuck his key in and smiled as the engine roared to life. "Oh yeah, baby!" He grinned at Tobias like a kid with a favorite toy. "I have all the newest tech add-ons, but I still prefer to drive the old-fashioned way, without computer assistance."   
Tobias grinned.   
"Bought her for a song." Marco added as he maneuvered out onto the interstate. "The old engine was bust anyway, so I had to fix her up, and now she's as good as new! Better than new!"   
Tobias could feel the acceleration and was reminded of his own ship. "Nice," He told Marco, "but not quite as fast as Elfy."   
"Elfy?"   
"The _Elfangor_. My ship. Whenever I fly, I feel like my father is right beside me." Tobias blushed slightly at revealing such personal details, but Marco didn't seem to notice.   
Marco nodded. "Now, _this_ baby, I call her-" He stopped suddenly, a look of embarrassment and horror on his face.   
"What?" Tobias demanded.   
Marco bit his lip. "Xena."   
Inside the car the silence that followed brimmed with tension.   
"Sorry." Marco quickly whispered.   
Tobias stared out the window. "It's not your fault." The masseter muscle in his cheek twitched. "I still love her. It's been eight god-damn years, and I still can't let her go." Tobias blinked away the tears that were forming in his eyes. "That's one of the reasons I came back, you know. To start over. Space has too many memories of Rachel. Too many ghosts." Tobias closed him eyes. These ghosts weren't only Rachel.   
"So you ran from the war?" Marco asked, carefully keeping his eyes on the road.   
Tobias began talking again. "In a way. Getting trapped was like the perfect excuse to get away from it all." I figured I could come back to Earth and have a normal life, you know? Maybe pretend I'm normal. I know I'm not, but here, I'm just one more body in seven billion. Out there, there were maybe a thousand humans with the Andalite fleet. I was one of three in our sector. The Animorph. The half-Andalite freak." He shook his head. "I'm twenty-five, Marco. I have my entire life ahead of me. And I'm sick of the war. I need to start over. I need to become just another face in the crowd. A normal human being." He cracked a smile. "And what better way to do that than to watch an old friend get married?"   
Marco shrugged. "Is it working?"   
"What do you mean?"   
"Are you forgetting? Are you leaving these 'ghosts' behind? Do you feel normal? Or are you just hiding from who you really are?"   
Tobias thought about that. "I don't know, but I've only been on the planet for half an hour. I guess only time will tell."   
Marco nodded. "You're right, but let me give you a piece of advice. Don't try to run. 'Cause you can't run from your memories, and you can't run from your past. Things don't work that way. It's a part of who you are, and running from yourself, well, that's just stupid." Marco pursed his lips. "Trust me. I've tried that."   
Tobias glanced at him, waiting for an explanation.   
Marco saw the look. "I OD'ed on cocaine." He said frankly.   
The surprise must have registered on Tobias's face, because Marco smirked and said. "Yeah, I know. Doesn't sound like Almighty Marco, does it?" He let out a long breath of air. "Want an explanation, huh? Well, after the Yeerks got kicked off the planet and you guys went off to chase the across space, I changed my name and became a stockbroker. As far from who I really was as I could find. Well, the firm I was with was crooked. I didn't care. I was a new me. Forget about the old Marco. Started dealing drugs. Turned out the firm had gang connections. Well, I started using the crap myself. Overdosed one day. Woke up in the ICU from a coma and found out my heart stopped three times that night. Talk about getting cold water thrown in your face. I realized what a mess I had made of my life, and started over again. As me this time. Testified against the firm and plea-bargained a parole. Went back to 'Marco the Animorph', and went into military intelligence. Met a few Andalite scientists who weren't particularly fond of the law of Seerow's Kindness and became friends. With time, they helped me out with a few designs, and, Voila!, here I am. A top scientist negotiating a treaty between Andalites and humans to share technology." Marco flashed a half-smile at Tobias. "I've got some skeletons in the closet I'm not proud of. Everyone does. But I've learned to live with them. That's what you got to do. Live with the ghosts of the past."   
Tobias looked out the window. He had a lot of ghosts he'd rather keep in the past. Rachel. Merdin. Beth. Alex. Aelex.  
They were dead. They were all goddamn dead. Because he couldn't save them.   
  
Tobias looked out the window and watched the city passing by. The city he used to live in.   
It had changed, of course, but he still recognized parts. He looked out and saw the EGS Tower where they had pushed the ground based Kandrona out of. It was no longer being used, and had become somewhat of a tourist site. Tobias wondered if he should go back there and look around, for old times' sake, but then pushed the thought out of his mind. That mission brought back too many memories he'd rather forget.   
The city had modernized quite a bit. Most of the cars on the road were electric or hydrogen or water powered, or were hybrids like Marco's, and there were even a few of the new antigravity cars that were being tested. They were rather bulky, but Tobias was pretty sure the engineers would fix that sooner or later.   
Tobias held his breath as they passed the construction site where they received their power. It wasn't an abandoned construction site anymore. It was a museum dedicated to the resistance and the war.   
Marco looked over, and he must have seen Tobias's pale face and stiff form, because he said, "I know it feels weird. I have to drive past that everyday on my way to work, but after a while, you don't really look at it anymore. You get used to it. Good ol' human adaptation, I guess." Marco stopped at the red light and looked around. "Ax always said that adaptation was the one thing that made humans powerful. Maybe that's true. Sometimes, I wish it wasn't, 'cause, you know, we've adapted too. Adapted to being thrown into a war. Adapted to becoming warriors. Killers. And you know what? I could go to a psychologist, and he'd tell me that my humor was a defense mechanism. Cassie's morality too. Your withdraw, Jake turning into a rock, and Rachel's violence. That too, you know." Marco caught Tobias's look. "I know you don't want to talk about her, but it's the truth. We all had to deal with the war, and we all did it in our own little way." The light turned green and they started driving again. "Now, Ax...Ax didn't. He's not human, though he's a lot more human than other Andalites. I guess that's how he escaped it. He just went along with the flow. Do what he was raised to do, and fight the Yeerks. Us," Marco shook his head, "we were kids, man. Kids who weren't ready for this. Who didn't ask for this." He sighed. "See, I once thought we would all one day snap. Well, I was right, in a way. We did snap. We _have_ snapped. We didn't become raving lunatics, but we did become merciless killers. That's pretty much snapping, if you ask me." Marco chuckled. "But you don't ask, right? You know what, Tobias? Right before the war went full-scale and we were kicked out of the game by a couple of snotty two-bit generals, I realized something. I looked in the mirror and realized the person staring back at me was someone who would kill his own mother without hesitation. That person was who I had become. Who I adapted to be to survive in this war. And he hasn't left, Tobias." Marco suddenly looked very old at that moment. "Sometimes, I feel him in me. He's still there, and he always will be. There's always going to be that little voice in my head telling me not to trust my friends, saying Lydie could be one of them, analyzing a situation for danger when I'm at a dinner party, and looking for escape routes when all I want is short cut from work to the grocery store. That's what this war has made me. And now that you've returned to 'normal' life, it's going to hit you too. I'm just warning you, 'cause you'll have to deal. Humans can adapt to something, but they can't magically change back once that something is gone. And that's destroyed us. Not humanity, but _us_. You, me, and the rest of the Animorphs."   
  
Jordan absentmindedly rearranged the flowers in the vase for the eighth or ninth time. Marco was coming over with a 'surprise', as he called it over the phone.   
Jordan wasn't sure why Marco made her so nervous, then again, everything having to do with Rachel made her nervous, and Marco was her dead sister's friend. Sometimes, Jordan wished Marco and everything having to do with Rachel would just go away and never come back, but her mom liked having Marco there. Maybe it made her feel better to have Rachel's old friend filling her place at the dinner table. They had almost become his family Jordan felt sorry for Marco sometimes since he had no family, but he was, in a way, taking Rachel's place, and that didn't feel right.   
Lydia was all right, though. Like Marco, she had been orphaned by the war, and ever since he started dating her, she had been assimilated into Jordan's family too. Of course, Jordan knew her younger sister, Sara, was insanely jealous of Lydia because she had a crush on Marco, but Jordan didn't care much about that. Her sister was a childish brat. Sure, she had spent most of her life listening to broadcasts with news about the war, but the worst of it, the actual battles on Earth, were over by the time she was seven, and the most Sara could remember was a lot of yelling and running about. But Jordan's mom treated Sara like fragile glass and spoiled her rotten. Maybe she was trying to make up for the daughter she failed to protect. Both of them.   
Sometimes, Jordan was jealous of Sara, but it wasn't really Sara's fault, nor was it her mother's. After the ground war was over and things went back to semi-normal, Jordan enrolled herself in a boarding school and rarely talked to her family. What had happened to her during the ground war alienated her from her mother and sister, who spent the duration of the ground war in a relatively safe shelter. Jordan pretended she was fine; that she didn't hate her sister for abandoning them for space; that she wasn't mad at her father, who had died, of all the stupid ways, trying to cover the war for the news reports; that she didn't care she had lost a leg and her life was ruined. Jordan had always had a reputation for being a tough tomboy, and so she played up to that part.   
Ever since Jordan had been a kid, she had wanted to be like Rachel. Her older sister was beautiful, smart, and didn't take any crap from anyone. Jordan wanted to be tough during the war so she could be like the hero Rachel was. Sure, the military never publicized the fact, nor gave credit to the 'kid resistance', but in Jordan's neighborhood, where half of the community were Controllers by the time the ground war started, everyone knew about the 'Andalite Bandits'. No one talked about it, but Jordan knew they all thought the Animorphs were heroes.   
Of course, most of them had moved by now, and since few people wanted to talk about being a Controller, Jordan had a feeling her family was now the only one who knew about Rachel. It was kind of funny that the people who had saved the world were all but forgotten, but by the way Marco acted, Jordan thought perhaps that was the way they wanted it.   
Jordan sighed and looked around the family room. The clock told her Marco would be there soon.   
Jordan wondered why she was even standing there. She was twenty-four years old and had graduated with a B.Sc. five months ago. She was two years behind because the ground war had caused all the schools to close, but then again, so was everyone else her age. All their lives had been put on hold for those two horrible years, and people were getting their lives back together now. But instead of going out into the world to get a job, Jordan had come back home to sulk.   
Jordan wandered into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. "Shit." She muttered. "Sara!" Jordan screamed. "Where's that six pack I bought yesterday?"   
"How the hell should I know?" Sara snapped back from upstairs.   
Jordan swore to herself. She was hot and she wanted a drink. Not to mention, when Marco got back, he'd want one too.   
"I'm going out!" She yelled to Sara.   
Jordan grabbed her keys from the kitchen counter and opened the door to the garage. She pulled on her sneaker and locked the door behind her. Sara may have been a teenager, but she didn't pay much attention to the world around her -except guys.   
Jordan got into her specially designed car and pulled on her seat belt. She didn't really _need_ a car with the pedals on the left, but it did help. Jordan _could_ technically drive using her right leg, but she couldn't feel the pedals beneath the soles of her feet.   
Jordan had lost her leg early in the ground war. The Yeerks had blown up her house out of spite, and a piece of sheet metal had slashed through her leg one inch below the knee. Jordan spent the rest of the two years in a hospital hopping around on her good leg. She didn't even have crutches since there were so many wounded soldiers filling up the hospital, and they got top priority. Her family had given her up for dead, as Jordan found out after the ground war was over.   
Two years as a cripple had certainly changed her. Gone were the dreams of her childhood. She had once wanted to be beautiful, smart and strong -like Rachel- when she was young, but she had neither the looks nor the brains. She was, however, as everyone remarked, just as stubborn. And there was one thing she had that Rachel did not: She could play soccer, and play well.   
Jordan could still remember the day open war broke out. She had just finished trying out for the high school team, and the coach had pulled her over as everyone was leaving to tell her she had made the team. Jordan lost her leg a week later. Jordan would never be the next Mia Hamm. All she had been before the war was gone, leaving the husk of the crippled body she had left behind.   
But in the hospital, she forgot about her dreams of a soccer scholarship and Olympic gold. All she wanted was to survive the war; survive seeing mangled bodies covered with Dracon burns, and hearing the screams of soldiers who no longer looked human; sleeping in a corner on in the floor in the nurses office, because all the beds were full; biting her lip so she wouldn't throw up as she watched doctors push a mans guts back in and sewn up his abdomen right there on the floor of the ER because there was no room anywhere else; waking up to the echoing blasts from the fighting and realizing the walls were splattered with gobules of flesh drench in blood and flecks of gray that Jordan knew were brains because a Bug fighter had fired on them and demolished a section of the hospital; looking out the window and seeing the bodies pile up in the mass graves; suturing a man's cut arm because all the doctors were busy and she had seen it done enough times; wrapping up the body of dead newborn because an explosion had induced premature labor in her mother. Jordan lived, but she could never forget.   
At the end of the ground war, all Jordan wanted was to walk again. Fortunately, new technology had surfaced and she was able to get a prosthetic leg almost as real as the real one. She could walk, jump around, even run a bit after some practice.  
Jordan was determined to play soccer again, and focused on re-teaching her remaining muscles how to kick again. And through it all, she was running from the truth. Sure, Jordan could run and kick the ball again, but she could no longer stream down the field, dodge around the defenders, and send the ball flying into the net, slipping millimeters by the goalkeepers fingertips into a perfect goal. And Jordan lost her dream again.   
Jordan sighed to herself and stared the motor. Memories were best left alone. She wasn't ready to face the ghosts of her past.   
Jordan backed down the driveway and drove to the store.   
  
Tobias stared as the car slowed down. The neighborhood...The neighborhood was exactly as he remembered. Jake's neighborhood. _Rachel's_ neighborhood. _Oh God, Rachel..._ Tobias tried say something, but his mouth was dry.   
There it was. Right there. Rachel's house exactly the way it had been before the war. Tobias felt a chill run down his spine, because he knew Rachel's house had been destroyed in the war. It was like looking through time.   
"They rebuilt it." Marco explained as he parked the car in the driveway. "They rebuilt the entire neighborhood."   
"Why are we here?" Tobias asked.   
Marco shrugged. "I practically live here."   
Tobias raised his eyebrow. "How's that?"   
"I mean, sure I have an apartment, but I eat dinner here almost every night. Good grief, I bring my _laundry_ here! I don't even have a TV in my pad!"   
"But aren't you getting married?"   
"Lydie doesn't mind. She loves Naomi's cooking, and we've even talked about moving in after we're married."   
Tobias gawked. "You've got to be kidding me! I mean, you're a grown man."   
Marco shrugged "Naomi's been like a mother to us. I lost my mother a long time ago. And so did Lydia. We love Naomi. I guess she's become like a surrogate mom to us. It seems only natural for us to move in."   
"But do they have enough room? As I remember it, they only have four bedrooms—"   
"—and Rachel's room is empty." Marco finished. He bit his lip. "It's weird, but it's not like it was her room anyway. Her room got bombed."   
Tobias looked away. He had flown into that room through the window every night for two years.   
"This one's been a guest room, and I crash there whenever I don't feel like driving back to the apartment." Marco shrugged. "Naomi doesn't mind. In fact, I think she wants us to move in." Marco got out of the car and gestured to Tobias to follow him.   
Tobias took a deep breath. He didn't want to do this. Sure, he knew he'd have to face his past if he came back to Earth, but he figured it was better than the ghosts of the base. Well, maybe he was wrong, 'cause here he was at Rachel's house. What could possibly remind him more of her? Tobias got out of the car and joined Marco on the front step.   
Marco tapped the 8-digit code on the pad next to the lock and the door swung open.   
Marco took a quick look around and, in classic Marco style, shouted at the top of his lungs, "Honey, I'm home!"   
Tobias shook his head. Marco hadn't changed.   
He heard the thundering of feet running above and looked up to see a teenage girl dancing down the stairs. Tobias's first impression was that of an exotic model, but a second look told him she was just a normal teen. Very beautiful and probably a model, but not really exotic. But there was something about her...   
The girl gave them an impish smile and threw her arms around Marco's neck. "Markie! You're back!" She hugged him and kissed him on his cheek.   
Marco grinned and tugged her ponytail playfully. "I told you not to call me that."   
She stuck her tongue out. "So?"   
Marco turned to Tobias. "You may not remember her, but this is Rachel's sister, Sara."   
Tobias was shocked. The last time he had seen Sara, she was only six years old.   
Sara let go of Marco and glided over to Tobias. She encircled his arm and looked up at him. "And who's this, Marco?"   
"This is the surprise I was talking about. Meet Tobias, Sara."   
Sara looked Tobias up and down as if appraising him. "Mmmhhh... Nice to meet you." She threw Marco a look. "Not _the_ Tobias?"   
Marco nodded. "Yeah, the Animorph."   
Sara's eyes lighted with interest. "I _see_." She sudden jumped back. "Well, I have stuff to do, so see you later." She started up the stairs.   
"Wait!" Marco called after her. "Where's Naomi and Jordan?"   
Sara turned around halfway and shrugged. "Mom's at work, I think."   
"But it's a Saturday!" Marco protested.   
"Some big case." Sara said in a bored voice.   
"Well, what about Jor?"   
"She went out. To the store or something." Sara disappeared upstairs.   
Marco looked embarrassed. "Sorry you had to see that."   
Tobias shrugged. "That's okay."   
"Sara's got some problems." Marco explained. "You know, with her mind. Because of the war and all. She's really childish, like she never grew up. Her mind's still trapped in the past. The years during the ground war."   
Tobias winced. "Will she be okay?"   
Marco shrugged. "Depends on what you mean by 'okay', I guess. She's pretty. She can get a job. Do modeling. And then she'll marry some rich guy and be his trophy wife. It's not a great life, but it ain't too bad either. And it suits her, you know? To be taken care of like a kid. She'd like that kind of life."   
Tobias shook his head. "But that sounds so _pathetic_."   
Marco nodded. "Yeah, but there's nothing we can do about it. She's just like that. The war made her that way."   
Tobias slowly nodded. He thought about the Animorphs, their families, everyone in the world. All those lives changed forever. "Yeah. The war made us all that way."   
  
Marco set the suitcase down on the bed. "Here you go."   
Tobias looked around the room. It was sparsely furnished. There was a desk and two double beds. A closet covered the wall n one side and a laundry basket filled with what Tobias supposed to be Marco's clothes.   
Tobias stared at the blue and white curtains that covered the window. Rachel's curtains, he remembered, had been red. He had flown by them every night and they had grazed the tips of his wings.   
This is Rachel's room." He finally whispered.   
Marco nodded. "Yeah." He gave Tobias a forced smile. "Make yourself at home. I'll go and get some drinks."   
Tobias nodded and sat down on the bed closest to him. He looked around. This was no longer Rachel's room. Her clothes no longer overflowed the closets; her makeup wasn't scattered over her dresser; her homework didn't sit on her desk, ready for him to help her do; there was no bag of Tommy Hilfiger clothes under the bed, waiting for him. Rachel was gone.   
Tobias walked to the window and pushed back the curtain. The landscape had changed in the past ten years, but he could still trace the path he flew each night. "Rachel" Tobias whispered to himself. "Where are you, Rachel?"   
"Hello, Tobias." A soft voice said behind him.   
Tobias whirled around. She stood at the doorway, her long blond hair swirling around her face. She smiled. That smile that she only smiled for him. The sun struck her at such an angle that she looked like a goddess. Or an angel.   
"Rachel..." Tobias whispered.   
Her face fell. "No." The short word was bitter. She looked like she was going to cry. "I'm Rachel's sister, Jordan."   
"Oh..." Tobias pulled himself together. "I'm sorry... For a minute there...I thought..."   
"It's okay." Jordan looked away. "You're not the first."   
"Want one?"   
Tobias noticed for the first time that she was holding an open can of beer in her hand and was holding one out to him.   
"Sure." He took it. Tobias had never drank alcohol before. It was banned on Andalite territory because the Andalites went crazy over the taste, and you didn't want a drunk Andalite in combat. But Tobias didn't particularly care at that moment.   
Tobias popped the can open and took a gulp. The bitter liquid burned down his esophagus. It took all his self-control to keep from gagging.   
"Hey, man!" Marco wandered in. "In case you didn't hear when I yelled, Jordan's—" Marco stopped when he saw Jordan. "—back." He finished. "But you knew that."   
Tobias nodded and Jordan gave a weak smile.   
Marco blinked. "Bird-Boy, I didn't know you drank."   
Tobias coughed slightly. "I don't."   
"I need to do something." Jordan got up and slipped out the open door behind Marco.   
Marco frowned as he watched Jordan walk away. "Is it just me, or was that an excuse to get away?   
That was an excuse." Tobias said quietly, remembering what had occurred moments before.   
"Why?" Marco asked.   
Tobias didn't answer.   
  
Jordan closed the door to her room behind her and locked it.   
She couldn't believe it, but she should have know. A lot of people had mistaken her for Rachel. Even her own mother cringed when she looked at Jordan, remembering. Why should Rachel's husband be any different?   
It was always about Rachel. It had always been about Rachel. Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. Jordan felt like Jan on the Brady Bunch.   
She hated Rachel.   
Her sister. The smart one. The pretty one. The one everyone saw first. The hero. The goddess. The sun.   
Jordan knew that whatever she did, she would always be compared to Rachel. Jordan would always be know as Rachel's little sister. No matter how smart or beautiful or successful she was, Rachel would always be Number One.   
Rachel had been that way ever since she was born. Her father used to call her 'Princess'.   
Sara, when she was still learning to talk, called Rachel 'Ra'. Jordan, at the time, had found it funny because she had just learned in school that Ra was the Egyptian sun god. She had announced the fact to her parents, and her father said that Rachel _was_ the Sun Goddess.   
Rachel may have been the sun, but Rachel had a shadow. A very long shadow. And Jordan would be forever trapped in that shadow.   
Rachel's shadow. Ra's shadow.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Crossings

**_  
Crossings _**  
_  
Time will always change us   
But war changes us too much   
We can't go back to who we used to be   
To our Shadows of the Past _  
  
Tobias gripped the shredder in his right hand and pressed himself against the wall. The Hork-Bajir patrol passed by and Tobias sighed in relief. He was deep in enemy territory, and he could be captured any moment.   
_Breathe, Tobias. Breathe. _  
Tobias took a quick look around and ducked into the building. There was a computer console against the wall.   
Tobias smiled grimly to himself. Intelligence was right. The abandoned base _did_ exist.   
"Thank you, Visser One." Tobias murmured as he downloaded the data.   
Garoff, Visser Three's staunchest opponent on the Council of Thirteen was assassinated. Rumor was that Visser Three ordered it, mainly because the Visser ordered an open attack on Earth immediately after the death.   
The Council did nothing, which lead everyone to speculate that Garoff had been the Emperor.   
Visser Three had expected a quick war, but he underestimated humans. Visser One was right. The human population was simply too large.   
The town the Animorphs lived in had been Ground Zero, but instead of becoming an important Yeerk base, it was bombed alternately by both sides until almost nothing was left.   
The Yeerks instead captured Los Angeles and then moved south.   
At first, most of the fighting was in space, but then the Yeerks realized they couldn't win the war by air and sent in ground troops.   
The U.S. became no-man's-land between the Yeerk headquarters in South America and the human Allies in Canada.   
Because of its small size, the division of Europe changed nearly every day to the point where no one knew who was in control of where. At first hotly contested, warfare had now wound down to skirmishes and guerrilla attacks by human resistance forces.   
The Yeerk strongholds were South and Central America, while the Allies maintained Canada and Asia.   
The Yeerks managed to hold on to Los Angeles and most of Southern California, but the Allies occupied the Eastern Coast down to Washington.   
Washington was where Tobias had been before he volunteered for this mission. In Washington. With Rachel.   
Jake and Cassie were in the Asian Central Command outside of the heavily bombed capital of Beijing. Ax was in the relatively untouched HQ in Toronto trying to convince generals to use Andalite weaponry (the little he could make from memory) and tactics. Tobias thought it was a lost cause. Generals were rather stubborn, at least, the ones he had met.   
One even had the nerve to try to keep him off this assignment, saying, "He's just a kid," but shut up when Tobias pointed out, "This kid is the reason you don't have a slug in your head."   
The other opposition to him going in was Rachel, but even Rachel had to admit he was the only option. The only one who could infiltrate Yeerk forces without getting caught. Visser One's supposed secret hideaway was in Hollywood, part of the heavily guarded territory outside of the LA base. Only someone who's face the Yeerks did not know could get in. That person had to have experience, and preferably be able to morph. After the war broke out, the Animorphs were revealed. The Yeerks knew their faces, except, of course, Tobias's, who they only knew as a hawk.   
  
Jordan pressed herself against the wall and tried to clear her spinning head.   
_Please don't throw up, please don't throw up._ Jordan thought to herself. That oatmeal was the first solid food she had kept down in nearly a week.   
Her stomach heaved, then settled. Jordan pulled herself into a standing position and hopped out of the nurses' office.   
The main hallway was filled with people. Most were lying or sitting on the floor, but a few were standing.   
Jordan spotted Lawrence bending over a man in military fatigues. "What's he got?"   
Lawrence looked up. "Probably the flu, like everyone else, and _this_." He showed her the wound.   
"Ouch." Jordan winced. The bullet had gone through the man's thigh and was probably lodged in the bone, since she didn't see an exit wound. And unless they had gotten more anesthesia than yesterday, they would have to operate without it.   
"Is he the worst?" Jordan asked.   
"Out here, yeah."   
Jordan looked around. "Any of the rooms open?"   
Lawrence shook his head. "None."   
"Here, or our room?"   
"I don't want the rest to hear him scream." Lawrence paused and looked at Jordan expectantly.   
Jordan nodded. "Nurses' room it is. I'll prep."   
Lawrence nodded. "Brockski should be done soon with his guy. I'll notify him we're going into surgery."   
Jordan turned and hopped back to nurses' office. She took some disinfectant and wiped the floor. Then she grabbed the surgery kit from a locker and washed and wiped the contents.   
And last she scrubbed her own hands clean.   
  
Tobias stuck the disk into the case on his belt and pulled out the small bomb. He set it to go of in half an hour, then placed it on the floor. The bomb would erase all traces that he had ever been there, or that this base even existed. Visser Three would never get a hold of Visser One's secrets.   
As the ominous numbers ticked away, Tobias exited.   
Though it took him a long time, Tobias reached the border with no-man's-land with no difficulty.   
Tobias ran up to the barbed wire and looked around. Where was his contact?   
The sand on the other side of the wire, two feet to the left, rose in a small mound. The sand around the mound sank in a circular indention.   
A young woman stood up and brushed the sand from her uniform.   
She looked at him and said the first code word. "Animorphs."   
"Animal morphers." Tobias responded.   
"Rachel."   
"Xena."   
"Prince Jake."   
"Don't call me prince."   
"This is-" The final code.   
"-insane." Tobias finished. All the codes were ones only an Animorph would understand.   
"Hawk?" she spoke his code name.   
Tobias nodded. "I have the package."   
"Double-oh-seven." She introduced her code name, enjoying the irony.   
Tobias took the disk out. "Here, you take this, then I morph and fly over, and we're out of here."   
"Hey! You!"   
Tobias turned in shock to see two Controllers running towards them.   
"Damn." He hissed. He could have sworn he timed the patrols perfectly.   
"Allied spies! Get them!"   
Tobias spun back to 007 and saw fear and panic in her eyes. At that moment, he understood. She was inexperienced. HQ had not expected complication at this point in the mission, so they sent in an unimportant rookie.   
Tobias knew there was no time to morph, so he passed the disk through the wires and pressed it into 007's hand. "Get out of here! I'll take care of them!"   
"But..." 007 began to protest.   
"I said, go!"   
"I'm not deserting you!"   
Tobias leaned close to the wire until their faces were only inches apart. "Listen to me. What's on that disk is worth more than both our lives. That information could win the war. You hear? _Win the war._ Run. That's an order, 007. Run."   
007 shoved the disk into the protective depths of her uniform, and, with a nod to Tobias, she turned and ran.   
"Tell Rachel I love her." Tobias whispered at the retreating figure. Then he turned and faced the two armed Controllers.   
Tobias had had a six-week training course in martial arts and a battery powered shredder that would send alarms blaring if turned on, since the Yeerks were on the lookout for Andalites. It only carried enough energy for one shot at medium power.   
As the Controllers entered shooting distance, Tobias pulled the weapon out and locked in the battery. The lead Controller raised his Dracon beam. Tobias aimed at him and fired.   
The Controlled fired.   
The shredder blast reached its target first.   
Tobias jumped to the left and avoided the Dracon beam.   
The remaining Controller was now very close.   
Tobias rolled forward and jumped back to his feet, landing five feet from the Controller.   
The Controller fired, but Tobias lashed out with his foot and caught the man's hand. The shot went wild and the Dracon gun flew up and over the fence.   
Tobias gulped. He had to fight a grown man hand to hand in human morph.   
The battle was pretty evenly matched. Tobias had a more formal training, if only a little, but the Controller had the advantage in size and weight.   
It was then pure luck that Tobias found the other Dracon beam, the one belonging to the Controller he shot down, and was able to use it to disable the remaining Controller and not vice versa.   
They had been fighting for less that a minute, neither side gaining the advantage, until the Controller threw Tobias several feet and Tobias happened to land on top of a Dracon beam.   
Tobias had disabled both Controllers, but back-ups were on the way, so Tobias did the only thing he could. He morphed.   
  
Jordan placed a clean blanket on the floor. "Lor, can you carry that guy alone? Want me to help?"   
"No thanks." Lawrence grunted as he came in. Jordan noted with surprise that the wounded man was hopping along on his good leg while leaning on Lawrence. "Besides, you can't exactly help anyway." Lawrence finished as he set the man down.   
"Lie down." Jordan said to the injured man, ignoring Lawrence's comment. She knelt down beside him and examined the wound. "Not too bad. We can get the bullet out and the leg'll heal. We probably won't have to amputate. You might walk with a limp though."   
The man nodded and grunted with pain.   
Jordan studied him. Those eyes... They seemed so familiar. Why? ...But he looked so different... He was so thin... And that mustache... "Tom?"   
The man's eyes widened. "How...how did you know my name?" He hissed between clenched teeth.   
"Tom, it's me, your cousin."   
"Rachel?"   
Jordan resisted the flare of anger and shook her head. "No, Jordan."   
"Jordan? What are you doing here? You look so different, so _old_! And what happened to your leg?"   
"Don't worry about me. I'm fine." Jordan paused. "Have you..." She wasn't sure how to ask this. She was always afraid of the answer, but still, she asked it of every soldier that came here. "How's Jake... And Rachel?"   
"I heard Jake's in Asia. Haven't heard anything else, but I guess no news is good news. And I think Rachel's in Washington. Heard she's gone on some risky missions, but I don't know how she is now. Sorry, Jordan."   
Jordan nodded. "That's okay. No news is good news, right?" She bit her lip. "Tom, I'm going to have to take this bullet out and sew up you leg."   
"You? But you're—"   
"—fourteen, I know. But I've spent the last two years performing surgeries. I'm as good a doctor as you're going to get. Don't worry, Tom. I know what I'm doing."   
"I sure hope you do."   
Jordan smiled. "Age doesn't matter anymore. You're not even old enough to drink and you're eating bullets. Jake's barely sixteen and he's leading a war. Times change, Tom. Times change."   
Tom nodded. "Okay, I trust you on this one, little cousin."   
Jordan looked at the wound closely. It looked like a nine-millimeter fired at a pretty far range. "So how did you get a bullet wound anyways?" Jordan asked, trying to distract Tom, who must have been in great pain. "I've been seeing Dracon burns mostly."   
"Asshole killed James and took his gun. I guess his Dracon got dropped somewhere. Took a shot at me. I managed to kill him before he could get off a second shot, but he got my leg pretty bad." Tom explained, wincing at the memory.   
Jordan nodded. "Lawrence, hold him."   
Tom blinked. "What?" There was a trace of panic in his voice.   
Jordan grimaced at Tom. "Sorry, we're out of anesthesia."   
"What? But-but you can't do surgery now!"   
"I have to."   
"Can't you wait 'til you get more?" Tom asked his voice rising with fear.   
"That could takes weeks. You could lose your leg."   
Tom turned whiter than Jordan had thought possible.   
Jordan handed him a towel. "Here, bite down on this."   
Tom stuffed it inside his mouth and Lawrence grabbed a hold of his legs. Jordan reached in to hunt for the bullet.   
  
Tobias hid under an outcropping as a Bug Fighter flew by overhead, obviously looking for him.   
He didn't know if he could escape. He didn't know if 007 had made it to HQ. He didn't know if he would live or die.   
Tobias morphed to human and rested for five minutes. His hawk felt like it was about to explode. Then he demorphed back to hawk and continued north.   
  
"Lor, get Brockski." Jordan ordered. The bullet was out and Tom had fainted. Lawrence ran off and returned with Brockski, one of the head surgeons, a minute later.   
Brockski hurried over. "What is it, Jordan?"   
"Check this out. I've removed the bullet, but I'm no expert on bones. Will it heal properly?"   
Brockski examined it for a minute or two. "It should. He shouldn't have any problems after it heals."   
Jordan nodded. "That's good. Thanks, Brockski. I'll go ahead and close."   
"No, I'll close. Stevens wants you two. He's in 214."   
Jordan looked at Lawrence. "Wonder what he wants. We better go see." She turned and hopped to the door. "Tell Tom I'll be back to check on him later." She called back to Brockski.   
They found Stevens finishing up. He passed the needle to the fifteen-year-old next to him who Jordan recognized as Jack. "Finish closing. Jordan, Lawrence, follow me."   
They walked to the main supply room and Stevens unlocked the door and show them what was inside.   
Jordan gasped. "A Skimmer!"   
"Yes." Stevens nodded, his face grave. "A Yeerk Skimmer."   
"Where did you get it?" Jordan whispered in awe.   
"Justin found it. It had flipped over. Both riders were dead. He brought it back here."   
"What are you going to do with it?" Jordan asked.   
"There's a makeshift hospital on the outskirts of town. About forty minutes on this thing. The man running it is a vet, but there's no one else there with medical training. They need supplies and a couple of good doctors. I want you two to go."   
"You mean... You want _us_ to go?" Jordan looked at Stevens with confusion.   
"You're one of the best 'untrained' doctors we have and I'd hate to give you up, but I think you're needed."   
"You want me to...stay."   
"Yes, at least for a few months. You may be able to train someone to replace you. And I want Lawrence to go with you too. He may not be a natural with a scalpel, but his memory is impeccable. He probably knows the name of every drug we have."   
Jordan nodded. "If you think it's best, Doc, I'll go."   
"Me too." Lawrence agreed. "I'm not letting Jordan go alone."   
"Good." Stevens smiled. "I've loaded the Skimmer with some supplies. "Good luck, you two."   
  
Tobias flew. He flew as fast as his wings would carry him. The hot sand provided thermals for him to glide on.   
He flew for several hours before finally landing from pure exhaustion. Tobias didn't know if the Yeerks had followed him or not.   
He morphed human again with the intent of demorphing to a refreshed hawk body, but he was too worn out, his energy spent flying and morphing.   
With his hawk eyes he had seen a strangely familiar building in the distance. If they were Allies, they would give him food, water, and shelter, so he began to walk.   
He was only a hundred feet away when he heard a whining noise overhead. He looked up. Bug Fighter.   
Tobias began to run but the Bug flew right over him and headed for the building.   
  
"We're almost there." Jordan called to Lawrence, who was driving.   
"Yeah I see it on the...scanner-radar-like-thingy."   
Jordan almost laughed. "How far away is it."   
"Four, five minutes."   
"Lawrence," Jordan had a sudden idea, "where would this building be on a map of the city?"   
Lawrence frowned at the nature of the question, but pulled up a map on the Skimmer's computer screen. "Here." He pointed to a dot.   
"But that...that's Cassie's barn!"   
  
The Bug Fighter fired. Its blood red Dracons lashed into the building. A fiery explosion followed.   
Tobias felt a sudden stabbing pain. Then nothing at all.   
  
Jordan screamed as the barn disappeared into fire.   
Lawrence nearly lost control of the Skimmer. "Oh, God..."   
"Jordan looked up and saw the Bug Fighter heading for them. "Holy shit! We're next!"   
Lawrence looked at Jordan with fear in his eyes. They both knew there was no out-running a Bug.   
But to their amazed relief, the Bug passed harmlessly by.   
"They think we're Controllers Lawrence realized. "Because we're on a _Yeerk_ Skimmer!"   
Jordan let out a sigh of relief. "Come on. Head for the hospital. We need to check for survivors."   
Lawrence pushed the thrusters to the maximum and a few minutes later, they were at the edge of the smoking ruin that was the barn.   
"No one could have survived that." Lawrence whispered.   
Jordan looked around. "This is horrible!"   
"If you want, we'll wait for the fire to die down, then we'll go in."   
Jordan nodded. "Okay let's drive around and see what we can see from the outside."   
Lawrence maneuvered the Skimmer in a wide circle around the barn. Halfway around he stopped. "Jordan look there!"   
She peered where he was pointing. "That shadow?"   
"Might be more than just a shadow." He turned the skimmer towards it.   
As they got closer, Jordan could make out the form.   
It was a young man in his teens, lying unmoving on his back. He was wearing only a pair of skintight gray biking shorts.   
His face was pale with dirty blond hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. He had an innocent childlike effect, as if his mind had grown far too fast while his body never had a chance.   
And then she saw something that made her chest tighten. There was a deep bloody wound in his abdomen.   
"Lor!" Jordan gasped, jumping off the slowing Skimmer. "Get the surgeon kits in the back!"   
Jordan knelt next to the man. God, that wound was deep.   
"Here." Lawrence raced over with a surgeon kit in his hand.   
The man's eyes opened. "Rachel."   
"He's delirious." Lawrence told Jordan.   
Jordan gulped. "No, I'm Jordan, her sister."   
The man didn't seem to hear. "Rachel..." He grabbed Jordan's hand and hung on to it tightly. "I love you."   
"What do I do?" Jordan looked frantically to Lawrence for help.   
"Pretend to be Rachel."   
Jordan swallowed her envy and pride. This man was going to die. She could at least make him die happy.   
"I love you, too." Jordan whispered. And then she felt something. Something that had nothing to do with envy or pride.   
"Is it safe?"   
Jordan thought this was a rather unusual question, but answered. "It's safe."   
"It was quiet for a moment, then, quite suddenly, a feather popped out of his arm. Then another. And another.   
Jordan was so shocked she didn't even scream.   
The skin over the wound began to merge, healing before her eyes. The process was disgusting. Jordan recalled she was still running a slight fever and hoped the contents of her stomach would stay put.   
"My god..." Lawrence whispered. "He's an Animorph!"   
"Animorph..." Jordan remembered very well the first time she heard that word, right after the first wave of attacks. The way Rachel said it...So serious, as if the word itself was deadly... _  
"Listen to me, Jordan. Me and my friends, we have the power to change into any animal we can touch. We call ourselves the Animorphs. What's happening now is an all out attack by the Yeerks, but there's been a secret invasion for years. We've been holding them back. Now that they've come out, Jake figures it's time we did, too."   
"Jake? Our Jake?"   
"Yeah, look, we're going to Washington to find the president. We might not be back for a while, so don't worry. I love you, Sis." Rachel left Jordan's room and Jordan heard a flutter of wings. The next day, Rachel was gone. _  
Jordan shook her head to clear away her memories. The body in front of her was now a giant bird.   
Suddenly, he began to shrink. Jordan watched with morbid fascination as the flesh twisted and shrunk.   
Ahhhhhhhhh! The scream echoed in Jordan's head.   
The body began convulsing. The changes stopped.   
"What's wrong?" Lawrence demanded.   
Jordan pointed at the man's chest, which was bulging as if there were something inside trying to get out. "Look!"   
"There's something caught inside. Shrapnel or something. Whatever caused that wound."   
"He's too small for it!" Jordan realized. "Turn back!" She screamed. "Turn back to human! Morph! Morph!"   
There was an eerily long moment as everything became still.   
Then the changes began.   
Jordan sighed with relief as the bulge disappeared.   
Lawrence frowned. "How did that shrapnel get inside his chest? The wound was in the abdomen."   
Jordan shook her head. "I don't know..."   
The man opened his eyes. Jordan saw fear in them.   
"Yeerks!" He gasped. He tried to sit up and collapsed in pain.   
"No, no." Jordan tried to calm him. "We're not Yeerks. We're doctors."   
"Doctors?"   
"Yes. Now, what's your name?" Jordan's professionalism took over.   
"Tobias."   
"Okay, Tobias. Now, listen to me. There's something in your chest. Can you feel it?"   
It's too difficult to talk, so I'm using thought-speak. I can feel it. A sharp pain. In my heart.   
Lawrence's jaw almost hit the ground. "In your heart?!"   
"His inferior vena cava. It must have been sucked into his heart along with his blood." Jordan whispered.   
"But that means..." Lawrence looked at Jordan uncertainly. "We have to take it out."   
Jordan nodded slowly. "We have to do open heart surgery." Jordan felt strangely calm, as if now that she had accepted her situation and what she had to attempt, she _knew_ she could do it.   
"Jordan," Lawrence hissed, "you've never done open heart surgery!"   
"I've watched twice and assisted once." Jordan whispered, trying to convince herself.   
"You don't know how to do this!"   
"All we have to do is cut him open. As soon as it's out he can morph."   
"God damnit, Jordan you have to stop his _heart_. You're supposed to bring down the temperature of the brain so it won't die!"   
"Don't you think I know that? But we don't have the resources or the time. In and out, Lawrence. It'll take less than a minute. The brain can live that long!" Jordan argued.   
"But..."   
"Lawrence, he's going to die if we don't do something. We might as well try."   
Lawrence swallowed. "Can you do this, Jordan?"   
Jordan wasn't sure, but she couldn't tell Lawrence that, and she most certainly couldn't let Tobias hear that. "I can do this."   
Lawrence winced. "Jordan, you know we have no anesthesia."   
Jordan swallowed. "I know."   
"Tobias, this is going to hurt like hell. Don't faint and when I tell you, morph."   
Okay.   
Jordan held out her hand. "Scalpel."   
_  
Pain. painpainpainpainpain…   
Taylor. Rachel.   
Night. Twilight.   
Pain.   
Visser Three. No. No...   
Elfangor. Dangling.   
The mouth wide open.   
The screams   
Murder...   
Nonononononono...   
Pain. So much pain. Why? Where?   
Taylor.   
The button.   
Red. Blue.   
Pain. Pleasure.   
Not again...please, God, not again...   
She's dead...she's dead. She must be dead!   
Screams.   
A Taxxon. I swoop down and slash at its side. It turns and begins to eat itself.   
Toby. Toby smiling up at me. "Welcome, friend Tobias."   
Aria. The fake. She said she wanted to be my family. I believed her. A lie. All lies.   
Blue.   
Mr. Feyroyan. Smiling as he read my poems. Telling me I should submit them to the school magazine.   
Red.   
Riiiiiiiiiip! My uncle tears the neatly written pages in two. Then again. And again. "What do you need this crap for, huh? You think you're special, writing all that hogwash? Is that it? I don't know why that goddamn government thinks you lousy kids need to be in school. What you need is hard work so you can make money. All this time you lie around doing nothing and wasting all my money! If I ever catch you with this bullshit again, I'll beat the crap outta you. You hear me?"   
Not again...I can't take this. I can't survive this again...   
  
Father! Where are you, Father? Where are you when I need you...   
Pain.   
My chest. Stabbing. Squeezing. Choking the life out of me. Everything so dim. I'm dying. I know I'm dying.   
Why? Whywhywhywhywhy...   
  
Taylor. Laughing. Laughing like the maniac she is.   
Insane. Insane...   
"Join me. Join me in my madness."   
No, she's dead! Dead!   
Rachel. Kissing me. Her mouth warm on my lips. So sweet. So tender. I love her. I love her...   
A light. No, I don't want to leave. I can't leave. I can't leave Rachel...   
A voice. Morph! Morph! Morph... _  
  
Jordan tossed the piece of metal on the ground. "Lawrence!"   
He reached for the vein clamps. Jordan grabbed the artery ones. "Tobias, on the count of three, morph! One... Two... Three!"   
Jordan and Lawrence jumped back at the same time, releasing the clamps.   
Blood spurted out as if a geyser had erupted, splashing Jordan with its sticky redness.   
"Morph! Goddamn it, Tobias," Jordan screamed. "Morph! Morph!" Her insides turned into ice. If he didn't morph, he would bleed to death within seconds.   
Then as suddenly as it had started, the flow of blood stopped.   
Seemingly unconscious, Tobias began to change. He shrank. The other changes didn't begin until he was two feet long. A delicate tattoo pattern wove its way across his skin, and with a slight pop the tattooed feathers became real. The legs thinned, stretching into deadly slashing talons. The arms rearranged into wings and his face became that of a bird's.   
The bird's wings flared and it righted itself vertically. A large golden eye opened and looked at Jordan with its piercing stare. For the longest time, he stared at her. You're Rachel's sister. It was not a question.   
Jordan nodded. "Yeah, I'm Jordan."   
No one said anything until Tobias morphed back to his human body.   
He studied Jordan. "Rachel'll be glad to know you're alive."   
"When you see her, tell her..." Jordan paused. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say to her sister. "Tell her I love her."   
Tobias nodded. He looked at the Skimmer. "Where'd you get that?"   
"Stevens said Justin found it." Lawrence answered.   
Jordan jerked her head at the still burning ruins. "I guess we'll have to head back now."   
Tobias looked too. "That's Cassie's barn."   
Jordan nodded. "A vet, probably her dad, turned it into a hospital."   
"I'll have to tell Cassie her dad's dead."   
Jordan looked away.   
"Jordan, I need to ask a favor. Can I have the Skimmer?"   
"Well... It's not really mine...Why?"   
"I need to get back to Washington. Katie's probably gotten back by now, but only I know where the important stuff is on that disk. It'd take them months to find it."   
"Who's Katie?"   
"007, but I know her name's Katie. I've seen her files. If I didn't already know her, I would never have trusted her after only a few code words. But I didn't let her know that. Didn't want to scare her. She's a smart kid, but new at this stuff. I want to get back and take care of those files as soon as possible."   
Jordan bit her lip. "Well, alright, as long as we get a ride back to the hospital first. I won't tell Stevens what happened to the Skimmer."   
Tobias nodded. "Let's go."   
  
Tobias sat on Jordan's shoulder deep in thought. A Skimmer was built for two humans, so Tobias had to ride on Jordan's shoulder in his natural predator form.   
Tobias thought about Jordan. About what to tell Rachel. Rachel hadn't heard of any news of her family since she left, except that their house had been destroyed. He would have to tell her that her sister was alive but missing a leg.   
Jordan? Tobias asked privately. What happened to your leg?   
Jordan stiffened. "Our house crashed on me." She whispered in an barely audible voice. Tobias was pretty sure only he, with his hawk hearing, could have detected any sound.   
Have you heard from the rest of your family?   
Jordan shook her head.   
Jordan, Tobias hesitated before asking the next question, would you like to come with me?   
"Go where?"   
To Washington. You might be Rachel's only family left. They'll let you stay at the base. The conditions are a lot better than this.   
"No. I have a family here too. Stevens, Brockski, Justin, Jack, Kyla, Amy, Jess, the nurses, Dr. Miene... And Lawrence." The way she said the last name, Tobias could tell he was more than family.   
"Besides," Jordan sighed. "this is my job, my place in this war. You have your fight, I have mine."   
  
Jordan hopped off the Skimmer. Tobias glided to the ground and began to morph.   
They had stopped half a mile from the hospital so Jordan could just say they lost the Skimmer.   
Tobias finished his morph and got into the driver's seat of the Skimmer.   
Lawrence and Tobias shook hands.   
"Win this war."   
"We will."   
Tobias turned. "Goodbye, Jordan.   
"Goodbye, Tobias. Tell Jake Tom's alive and he'll be fine."   
"I will." He fired the thrusters and was gone.   
Jordan watched the trailing dust. "Let's go, Lawrence."   
They walked back to the hospital. Jordan forgot her plans to lie and told Stevens the entire story. Instead of being mad, he was proud of how they handled the situation.   
Two months later, the Yeerks retreated from Earth and the war officially ended. Jordan was reunited with her family. She left the hospital to try to return to the life she had once lived.   
  
Tobias perched on his favorite branch, Rachel next to him. Rachel, you know the ship leaves tomorrow.   
I know.   
Have you decided?   
Oh, Tobias. I want to go.   
But your family.   
I can't desert them, Tobias.   
The ship would leave for space and deposit it's occupants on various bases scattered across the galaxy. To fight the War.   
Rachel, you know I decided to stay in my hawk body and continue the fight.   
Yeah. Rachel whispered bitterly.   
But there's something else I didn't tell you. I just found this out from Ax. My human morph ages.   
Rachel looked up.   
Normal morphs only age the amount of time you spend in them, but the Ellimist must have done something, 'cause I'm exactly as old as I should be.   
Oh, God, Tobias...   
You turn sixteen in three hours and 17 minutes, Rachel. Tomorrow you'll be officially an adult. You can leave. We can be together.   
Tobias, you know I love you.   
Think about it, Rachel. Think about it.   
  
Jordan woke up in a cold sweat. Another dream. She was dying, and Rachel...Rachel was walking away, laughing. _Rachel._ Jordan got up and headed for Rachel's room.   
The door was locked. Jordan knocked.   
Rachel opened it after a moment, looking harried, wearing only a spandex suit.   
"Where were you?" Jordan knew her sister had been out morphing again.   
"Out." Rachel said shortly. She began to close the door.   
"Wait." Jordan held her hand up. "We need to talk."   
Rachel backed away and let Jordan in. "What do you want to talk about?"   
"You. Me. Our family."   
"So, talk."   
"You want to leave again." It was not a question.   
Rachel hesitated, then nodded.   
"Then go."   
Rachel looked up. "What?"   
"I said, go. We can't keep staying here living a lie. It doesn't work that way. We've all changed. We're not a family anymore."   
"So you think that way too."   
"Rachel, if you want to try to piece us back together again, I'll give it my best shot. If you leave, I'll go my own way too."   
"Jordan..."   
"I'm not your little sister anymore, Rachel. I'm my own person now. I've seen as much in this war as you have. I don't like living like this, pretending everything's okay when it's not! I'm only staying for your sake, Rachel. You leave and this family's over!"   
Rachel looked away. Finally she walked to her window. "Listen, Jordan. I made my decision earlier tonight, and your words have convinced me I made the right decision. If I stay, we'll be a family, but we'll all waste our lives being miserable. I'm leaving. I'm leaving with the Andalites. With Tobias. Don't tell Mom. It'd kill her, and she'd try to stop me. She might even stop me. I don't want that."   
Jordan nodded. "Okay."   
"Promise me you won't tell her 'til after I'm gone."   
"I promise."   
  
Tobias gripped Rachel's hand as the Andalite ship descended.   
Rachel squeezed back.   
"Rachel?" Tobias whispered. "Can I ask you something?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Will you marry me?"   
Rachel looked up. "Really?"   
"Will you?"   
"Of course I will!" She threw her arms around him and kissed him.   
Around them people cheered as the ship landed.   
  
Jordan watched through the cracks in the masses. She could see Rachel kissing some boy.   
Jordan recognized that boy. She met that boy three months ago next to the ruins of a burning hospital. She saved that boy's life.   
Her heart twisted with envy. Rachel. It was always Rachel.   
At that moment, Jordan understood. She understood why she had left the hospital she loved, why she had not answered when Lawrence asked if she would wait for him, why her heart ached when she saw Rachel and _him_ together.   
She knew. Jordan knew she had fallen in love with Tobias.   
  
Rachel looked around for the mayor. She spotted him fifteen feet.   
"George!" She called, pushing her way over while pulling Tobias along after her. "George!" He had insisted they call him by his first name.   
The mayor looked up. "Rachel!" He gave her a warm handshake. "Tobias!" The man smiled as he spotted Tobias behind Rachel. He shook Tobias's hand as well. "How are you two?"   
"Wonderful!" Rachel flashed her famous smile. "George, I need a favor."   
"Of course, anything!"   
Rachel smiled mischievously. "I need a marriage license."   
"Rachel...?"   
Rachel leaned close and whispered. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm getting married!"   
"When?"   
"Today, if you can get that license."   
"Today!"   
"Yes, before we leave with the Andalites.   
The mayor hesitated. "That's in six hours!"   
"I know, which is why I need your help."   
"What are the names?"   
"Me and Tobias."   
The mayor smiled and patted Rachel's hand. "Don't worry. I'll take care of it. All you'll have to do is sign."   
Rachel grinned. "Great! Thanks, George!"   
"And congratulations." The mayor shook both their hands again.   
Tobias could only beam.   
  
Rachel grabbed the priest's arm. "Father, can you marry us?"   
The man stepped back with surprise.   
Tobias put a calming hand on Rachel's shoulder. "Father, we are leaving Earth today, and we want to marry before we go."   
The priest slowly nodded. "Do you have a marriage license?"   
Rachel nodded and took it out.   
"Have you finished your pre-marital counseling?"   
Rachel blinked. "What?"   
The man smiled and asked a different question. "Are you even Catholic?"   
"No."   
The priest frowned. "Well, I can't-"   
"What do you mean, 'you can't'?" Rachel demanded.   
"Well, you're not Catholic." The man said timidly   
"What does that have to do with anything?" Rachel snapped. "We want to get married and you can marry us. Who cares if we're Catholic or not?"   
"Er...in the eyes of God-"   
"God won't be bothered by little things like that." Rachel waved the protest away.   
"Young lady-"   
"Look, are you marrying us or not?"   
The man shrank back. "Well..."   
"'Cause if you won't," Rachel shook her fist, "I'll-"   
"Rachel," Tobias hissed as he tried to pull her back, "you really shouldn't threaten a priest."   
"All right, all right!" The man held up his hands. "I'll marry you, I'll marry you."   
Rachel smiled. "Good."   
"Now let's see..." She looked around then snatched a scarf from a woman's hand and tossed it over her head. "Okay I've got a veil. Now we need flowers. Tobias!" She pointed to the grassy ground. "We'll pick dandelions!"   
Tobias blinked, then decided it was pointless to argue and picked the dandelions.   
That chore done, the two straightened up and stood side by side in front of the priest.   
The priest coughed. "Er... I suppose you want to say your vows."   
Rachel nodded. She turned to Tobias and smiled. "Tobias, you have kept me sane all these years. You have been my friend, comrade, and soulmate." She slowly caressed his cheek. "I have waited all my life to say these words. I vow to love, cherish, and adore you, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, here on Earth, or elsewhere, fighting or at peace, free...or not, forevermore, because nothing, not even death, can destroy our eternal love."   
"Do you, Rachel, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"   
"I do."   
"Tobias?"   
Tobias took Rachel's hand. "Rachel, I loved you from the moment I saw you." He whispered. "You were like an apparition of a goddess, and when I learned you were real, my life became better than a dream. I love you. I will always love you." He became solemn. "We have been through everything, and more. Our love has been tested time and time again, and it has always prevailed. I promise you, only when all the seas dry, and heaven and earth meet, would I stop loving you."   
There was a moment of silence, and a lot of noses were blown. Even Iron Rachel had tears trailing down her cheeks.   
"Do you, Tobias, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"   
"I do."   
"The rings?" The priest asked softly.   
Tobias reached inside his pocket and took them out.   
Two tiny circlets of braided hair sat in the palm of his hand. One golden, the other slightly darker.   
Rachel picked up the golden ring.   
"With this ring, I marry thee." Her hand shook as she slipped the circlet around Tobias's finger.   
Tobias took Rachel's hand. "With this ring, I marry thee." He slowly put it on the ring finger of her left hand.   
Rachel threw off her veil, wrapped her arms around Tobias's neck, and kissed him passionately.   
The crowd around them cheered.   
The priest smiled. "You may kiss the bride."   
Rachel broke away from the kiss and waved her bouquet. She wound up her arm and hurled it as far as she could.   
Without waiting to see where it landed, Rachel and Tobias ran into the waiting ship.   
  
Jordan watched as those leaving boarded the Andalite ship. There was only an hour left before the ship left. They would be finished boarding soon.   
Jordan saw her sister standing at the edge of the platform. She was wearing a T-shirt and denim shorts. She had thrown a gauzy scarf over her head, and she was holding a bouquet of dandelions.   
Tobias was next to her in what looked like a Polo golf shirt and Tommy shorts. There was a dandelion between the buttons under his neck.   
And as Jordan watched, her sister and the man she loved were married.   
Jordan closed her eyes and willed the threatening tears away. Rachel's life was set, and so was hers.   
Jordan turned and, stepping over a bunch of dandelions someone had left on the ground, went home.   
  
Tobias looked around, slightly blinded by the shine of the metal walls.   
Rachel gripped his hand. "This is our new home."   
Tobias kissed her. "I'm glad you decided to come."   
Rachel smiled. "I love you, Tobias. I wasn't about to let you go."   
"But what did your mom say?"   
"Nothing. She doesn't know."   
Tobias turned, surprised. "You didn't tell your family?"   
"Jordan knows, and I made her swear not to tell Mom. I guess she kept her word."   
Tobias slowly nodded. "Well, we're here." He looked at his new wife and smiled. He loved her more at that moment than ever before. "I love you." He whispered.   
Rachel laid her head on his shoulder. "I know."   
  
Jordan watched as her mother paced beside the phone. She wondered if she should tell her where Rachel was.   
Rachel had been gone for two days, and her mom was going crazy. She had called everyone they knew, and then the police, but the police were too busy dealing with the aftermath of war to care about a missing teenager.   
Jordan thought her mother was over-reacting. She knew Rachel could take care of herself. After all, she could morph.   
Jordan thought maybe her mother _knew_ where Rachel had gone, but was in a state of self-denial. After all, Rachel had told them several times she was thinking about joining the Andalite fleet.   
Jordan sighed. Her mother was driving her crazy. She might as well tell her mother the truth. After all, Rachel was deep in space by now.   
"Mom." Her mother didn't seem to hear her. "Mom!" Jordan yelled.   
Her mother looked up. "Yes?"   
"Mom. I know where Rachel is."   
Jordan's mother grabbed Jordan by the shoulders and shook her. "Where?!"   
"In space."   
"No...no...Rachel wouldn't do that. No..."   
"Mom! She left!"   
"Why didn't you tell me before?!"   
Jordan decided it would be a bad idea to tell her mother how she knew.   
"She told us!" Jordan screamed. "She told us she wanted to go. She said that over and over! You just didn't want to listen!"   
Her mother let go and sank to the floor like a deflated balloon. "No... Rachel... No..."   
Jordan looked away. She knew at that moment she couldn't stay.   
She had made an effort to keep their family together and to return to their lives, but now she knew things had changed too much.   
The next day, Jordan left. Left for a boarding school set up by the doctors for the kids who had spent the war in the bombed out hospital. Most of them were orphans, so they had nowhere else to go. Jordan wasn't an orphan, but she didn't have much of a home left either. Rachel had taken the tattered thread that held them together with her when she left.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Memories

  
**_Author's Notes:_**   
Well, finally, I've got it up! In response to questions by some readers, yes I *know* Jordan's hair is brown in the books, but I wanted the connection between her and Rachel to be physical as well as symbolic, so I changed that. There is a explaination (with some significance) for that stated in Part 4.   
Also, as my regular beta-reader, Selina, has left for university, it's become rather difficult to get in touch with her, so in the interest of getting these out as fast as I write them (not that fast...), I'm on the lookout for a new beta-reader. I'm looking for someone who can give constructive criticism as well look for plot holes and generally be a second proofreader and fresh view so I'll see what the reader sees. Anyone willing to help me out, please e-mail me or leave a note in the review box with your e-mail. Thanks!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_**  
Memories**   
  
When I was young I was a fool   
But happiness cannot last   
It melts away when love dies   
Into Shadows of the Past_   
  
Tobias turned and stared at his wife. She was lying next to him, still sleeping.   
Tobias smiled, remembering the night of passion they had shared.   
Life on the base wasn't easy. They both worked the same exhausting twelve-hour shift from 7:00 to 19:30, with a half hour break for lunch at twelve, and overtime fluctuated between common and the norm. Their sex life was the only thing that sustained them. They had promised themselves they would have sex at least once a month, no matter how tired they were, and it was the only thing they looked forwards to all month.   
He and Rachel had been married two years now. In fact, it would be exactly two years next month. Their anniversary was in 27 days. Tobias smiled. He would make it a special night for Rachel.   
Tobias glanced at the clock. 6:30. Time to get up.   
Tobias reached over and gently shook Rachel's shoulder. Sure, the alarm would wake her in a few minutes, but that always made her grumpy. "Wake up, Rachel. Time for work."   
Rachel rolled over and yawned. "What time is it?"   
"Six thirty."   
"Damn." Rachel jumped out of bed and slipped into the steam shower.   
"What's the big hurry?" Tobias asked as she got out a minute later.   
"I've got a shipment coming in at 7:10. I've got to go set up." Rachel explained as she yanked on her clothes.   
"Bye, Tobe." She grabbed a ration bar off of the counter and gave him a quick kiss goodbye.   
Tobias watched as his wife breezed out the door. He too had to get to his shift.   
Tobias sighed and pulled himself out of bed. His uniform (one of two, the other was in the wash) was neatly folded on his dresser. _Thank God for laundry machines._ Tobias smiled as he remembered the look on Rachel's face when she found out they only received _two_ outfits, one for formal dress and one for everyday.   
The night before, Tobias had returned to his quarters three hours early after trading a shift with Jameer, a fellow pilot. He was planning to heat up some rations and get dressed up in his formal to surprise Rachel when she got back.   
And she _had_ been surprised, not to mention happy.   
Tobias hopped into the steam wash and a minute later, came out cleaner than clean. He pulled on his uniform and began to eat a ration bar. The bars tasted rather like sweetened bread to Tobias, but Rachel called the stuff 'puke'.   
Tobias glanced at the clock again. 6:45. His shift started in fifteen minutes, and the bridge was on the other side of the ship.   
After checking the mirror one more time to make sure he was presentable, Tobias left their spartan quarters.   
  
On the way, several Andalites gave him formal salutes when only informal was necessary, a sure sign they detested the idea of a non-Andalite for a commanding officer. However, Tobias felt much better when he arrived on the bridge, where he was welcomed by several of his Andalite friends and Alex, his best friend and the only other human on the base.   
"Morning, sir." Alex gave an elaborate salute and a wink.   
"Morning, warrior." Tobias grinned.   
Tobias moved to his console, one that was facing the vast viewscreen and directly in front of the captain's station.   
Alex, two stations away, kept conversing with him in sign language, and Tobias would respond in private thought-speak. He had found that the thought-speak that came with a morph was much easier to direct than natural thought-speak, probably part of the technology, which was why most Andalites didn't use thought-speech on the busy bridge.   
Andalites were slowly filing in and out as the day shift replaced the night shift. The Andalites worked on the equivalent of a 25-hour day, which took a little adjusting to.   
One second before 7:00, the captain walked in, as he always did. Everyone turned and saluted, then went back to what they were doing.   
_What are you doing tonight?_ Alex signed.   
Sleeping. I've got an extra three hours to pull tomorrow morning.   
_Got some action last night, huh? _  
Tobias sent him a dirty look.   
Alex laughed. _Sorry, couldn't resist. _  
Speaking of action, how's Sarah?   
Alex sighed. _She hates it here. She wants to go back to her farm. To her painting._ He shrugged. _And I can't really blame her. I mean, this place is pretty dull unless you work on the base, and there are hardly any humans, and the Andalites aren't very talkative._ Alex sighed again. _She's bored, plain and simple. She wants to leave. She wants me to transfer to a ground base. _  
But you love it here! You've been dreaming about this your whole life!   
_Yeah I know... But I don't know what I'm going to do right now. We're just...not talking about it. _  
You guys fighting? Tobias asked sympathetically.   
Alex winced and nodded. _She's being real cold to me. _  
Tobias sighed. Just let her go, Alex.   
Alex looked up, startled. _Go? But I love her! _  
Well, either she goes back to Earth without you, or you both go back.   
_I don't know if I can stand her being so far away... _  
Tobias paused. Alex, lots of couples are separated for months at a time. Look at the Andalites. Almost everyone on this base is away from their family. If you guys really love each other, you'll make it work, no matter where you are.   
Prince Tobias.   
Tobias looked up, startled. Had someone noticed them talking? Yes, Captain?   
Come here.   
Tobias jogged over to the elderly Andalite. Whatever it was, it has to be pretty clandestine if the captain wasn't willing to risk being overheard in private thought-speech.   
Tonight. 20:00. War Room Five.   
The message was brief and to the point. Tobias shivered with anticipation. War Room Five was reserved for the top-most level of missions. Something big was up.   
I'll be there, Sir.   
  
Tobias waved to Rachel across the green plain.   
Rachel waved back and jogged over. "Hey." She leaned over and kissed him.   
"Mmmmhhh." Tobias smiled. "How was your morning?"   
"Got the shipment, but Lab Three caught on fire and I had to go put it out. That's why I smell like smoke." She added. "Pretty normal morning if you ask me."   
Tobias grinned. "Hear 'bout the meeting?"   
Rachel nodded. "Yeah. Galuit told me. Sounds big."   
Tobias nodded in agreement. "Hey, there's Cinto. He should know what's going on." Cinto was Galuit's Chief Tactical Officer.   
Tobias and Rachel walked alongside each other across the field. On either side, Andalites walked or trotted along, feeding.  
"Does Alex know?" Rachel asked. "He hasn't said anything to me."   
Tobias shook his head. "I don't think so."   
Rachel frowned. "But why not? If this has to do with the Alliance, Alex would know about it."   
Tobias paused. "Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with the Alliance. Maybe this is something else."   
Rachel's frown deepened. "But every meeting we've had is about that. They always want us to smooth things over with the Alliance."   
Tobias nodded. "But if this is about the Alliance, Alex would know. He _is_ our liaison with the Alliance."   
Rachel bit her lip. "But then... What would merit a level Five meeting?" Tobias shook his head. "I don't know. I don't know..."   
Tobias and Rachel stopped by the pond where Cinto and several other Andalites were drinking. "Hey, Cin!"   
Cinto looked up. Hello, Tobias, Rachel.   
Cin, Tobias switched to private thought-speech. What's that meeting about?   
Cinto shook his head. He couldn't talk about it. See you for that bout tonight? I'll show you some moves your father made famous.   
Tobias understood. This was classified. Even the existence of the meeting was secret.   
Tobias and Rachel shared a dark look. They had chosen this base because it specialized in weapons design and covert operations and stayed out of direct war. Something Tobias wanted to keep Rachel away from. But now it seemed Apex level warfare had reached this sector too.   
  
Tobias grabbed two ration bars out of the pantry and tossed one to Rachel.   
Rachel ripped the wrapper off and took a bite. "God, Newbel is driving me crazy. He crashed the reactor again for the third time in a _deglash_!"   
Tobias's jaw dropped. "The third time in ten days?"   
Rachel nodded. "He's out first thing tomorrow. I'll making Galuit move him somewhere else."   
Tobias raised his eyebrow. "Isn't that a little harsh? He's just a rookie. Maybe a bit clumsy, but-"   
"A BIT? I'm _constantly_ cleaning up after his mistakes! It takes _four hours_ to restart the reactor. If we didn't have this meeting I'd be there 'til midnight! He gets in everyone's way. He doesn't know what the hell he's doing..."   
"Rachel, he'll get better. Remember when _you_ first started? You spilt 26 molar acid all over the lab. Good thing that floor's so thick the acid didn't eat all the way through the hull!"   
Rachel blushed slightly, but her rant was far from over.   
"But what _really_ grills me is that Paigek. What a snotty brat! I swear to God if I don't get rid of her-"   
"Rachel..."   
"She's annoying, no one likes her..."   
Tobias held up a hand. "What's the real reason you want to sack her, Rachel?"   
"What do you mean?"   
"I mean that I've never seen you this worked up, except when that warrior on the bridge laughed when someone told him I was a prince, and then you tackled him and was halfway grizzly before I could pull you off!"   
Rachel sulked. "I heard her say she couldn't believe an inferior human was her commander."   
Tobias nodded. "I see. So you want to show her who's boss."   
Rachel didn't say anything.   
"Rachel, you know you can't do that."   
Rachel shrugged. "Why not?"   
"Rachel..." Tobias said warningly. "_Rank and position will not be determined by race, species, gender or anything else unrelated to performance._ You wrote that charter. You should know it by heart."   
"She's an insolent brat!"   
"Rachel, you overheard her. She didn't say that to your face."   
"So?"   
"What did you think of her _before_ you heard her say that?"   
Rachel shifted uncomfortably. "She was all right. A rookie, but smart. Able. Nice. What's your point?"   
"One, you're in a bad mood and you're taking it out on me and you're about to take it out on her. Two, give her a chance. You never know. She might change her mind about humans after she's seen _you_ in action." Tobias smiled. "And if she ever insults you again, I'll give her a good tail-whipping."   
Rachel grinned. "You'll have to get in line first!"   
Tobias downed the last of his water. "Come on. Meeting's going to start without us."   
  
The circle of Andalites in the large meeting-room stood as Tobias and Rachel entered. Several saluted.   
Then Rachel and Tobias saluted to the senior officers in the room.   
Tobias scanned the faces quickly. A few, he knew, several, he didn't.   
What are _they_ doing here? An old Andalite scoffed.   
Galuit bristled. _They_ are the ones that will complete this mission.   
They are human children! The Andalite, who, by the way he carried himself, was probably on the Electorate, snapped back.   
Tobias felt his cheeks grow hot with anger, and he saw Rachel tense out of he corner of his eye.   
Besheney, Galuit's slits flared. you may be Lirem's protégée, but while you're on my ship, you will treat my officers with respect!   
Tobias was stunned. Besheney was treated by many as Lirem himself, and Galuit had just reprimanded him. Tobias wondered how the Andalite would react.   
He didn't have to wait for long.   
Besheney was literally shaking with anger. How _dare_ you say such things to me! I will not tolerate this kind of insubordination!   
Galuit was unfazed. Insubordination my tail. Your rank is equal to mine, and since I am an older, more seasoned warrior, you will obey my commands.   
I am here under _Prince Lirem's_ orders!   
Lirem is not here, and even he is not fool enough to insult the man who saved this galaxy from the Yeerk scum.   
All four of Besheney's eyes glared at Tobias even as he spoke to Galuit. I will report you for this!   
Do so, and lose Eleca. Galuit flicked his tail. We are the only forces in this sector, and you cannot spare the main fleet. These are my only warriors prepared to undertake such a mission. If you leave now, I will not be responsible for explaining to Lirem why the Yeerks took such an easy victory from us.   
Then send them to their deaths. Besheney snapped as he stormed past Tobias.   
Galuit relaxed. My apologies, Tobias, Rachel. He must be tired from the flight here.   
Two chairs emerged from the liquid metal that formed the floor and solidified. Tobias and Rachel sat down.   
Everyone acted as if the altercation had not occurred.   
The Andalites all lied down, their deer-like bodies touching the floor, but their human-like torsos erect.   
A three-dimensional hologram of a red and blue planet appeared.   
This, Galuit began, is Eleca. It is a planet slightly larger than Earth, positioned in the fifth orbit of a yellow star system at the edge of this sector, almost in unexplored space.   
Its inhabitants have recently discovered the Elbachi equation.Tobias felt his mouth go dry. _The Elbachi equation..._   
"E equals MC squared." Rachel whispered.   
Precisely. Galuit nodded. And we all know what _that_ means. Soon they will develop nuclear reactors, build nuclear weapons, and _harness nuclear power_. There was a pregnant pause. Their civilization is highly advanced. They have space travel. Primitive, but they have explored their system and landed on their moons. They have theories of Z-space. Much of it wrong, but enough of it correct. All they need to connect all this together and break into Z-space is the Elbachi equation, and now they have it.   
They will soon become aware of they rest of this galaxy. Ten years to send and receive broadcasts. Thirty to build ships. Fifty to find us. A hundred to rival us.   
At most.   
It is very possible they will accomplish all this in a much shorter time.   
The Yeerks have decided to attack now, before this species becomes Z-space capable and out of their reach. However, Yeerk forces, as ours, are spread thin in other sectors. They cannot afford to send in a large contingency, so a pre-force has been sent to quickly take the highest officials of the Eleca government and the top scientists involved in the space program in hopes of slowing it down. A hundred Yeerks--twenty Hork-Bajir, fifty Taxxons and thirty Yeerks awaiting hosts. Four already have theirs.   
That is where we come in. The fleet cannot spare any troops, and we are the closest base. We will send a team of five. Kill these Yeerks. Free the hosts if you can, otherwise kill them too. Any freed Hork-Bajir may be brought back.   
We want the Eleca people to stay uninformed. They should be left alone to develop their own technology.   
Tobias sent Rachel a knowing look. The Law of Seerow's Kindness may have been scraped for the Law of Elfangor's Wisdom, but the Andalites were by no means ready to share all their secrets.   
Galuit looked to an Andalite next to him. Merdin?   
We have two _deglash_. That is when our final intelligence reports will come in and this mission will begin I have brought with me Aelex-Rondin-Lateder, a computers expert and Selynce-Desyki-Mecon, an assassin. I am Merdin-Rajami-Tasubik, an explosives expert as well as an expert on Yeerk activity in this sector. Prince Galuit suggested the two Animorphs join us on this mission because of their field experience.   
Galuit looked around. It is agreed? The Andalites flicked their tailblades up in agreement. Tobias and Rachel nodded. Galuit stood. Meeting adjourned. You five, briefing tomorrow. Here. Same time.   
  
All through the next day, Tobias was distracted, thinking about their mission. they would be on a planet. Alone. In secret. Fighting against a bigger enemy. And they only had days to do it.   
He wondered what Rachel thought of all this. She seemed pretty happy in the lab, but did she love killing more? Could one more mission make her snap?   
Tobias knew Rachel was strong. He just hoped she was strong enough.   
After their shift was over, Tobias and Rachel met up back at their quarters. Dinner was once again ration bars.   
The three Andalites were already waiting when Tobias and Rachel arrived at the briefing. Galuit was not yet there.   
The three saluted then went back to the diagram they were arguing over.   
"I wonder why Galuit wanted us on this?" Tobias murmured to Rachel. "Sure, we have experience, but we're relatively new hands at weaponry and such."   
Rachel shrugged at Tobias. "Our winning personalities? I mean, they obviously have enough forces. After all they sent us three experts."   
Actually... Merdin interrupted, seeming very uncomfortable with what he was about to say. I couldn't help overhearing, but all of us are er...recent graduates of the Academy. We _have_ no field experience, which is why Prince Galuit suggested that you come with us.   
Rachel stared. "They sent us three Arisths?!" She demanded, outraged.   
Merdin said nothing, obviously embarrassed.   
It was Aelex who spoke. We know how to do our jobs, we've just never done them before.   
Rachel ignored him and instead pulled Tobias to a corner out of earshot. "How the hell are we supposed to stop the Yeerks with three rookies?"   
"We were rookies once, Rachel."   
"We had two years!"   
"Well, they have two deglash. And us."   
  
They trained. They studied. And they planned.   
At the end of the twenty days, Tobias and Rachel knew everything they needed to know about the invasion of Eleca, and the Andalites had begun to understand what war was, and what it meant to be an Animorph.   
Respect from Andalites was hard to come by. You had to be famous or high-ranking, unless, of course, they've fought by your side. Ability, courage and leadership were respected far more on the battlefield than species or gender. The Andalites were an arrogant race, but they knew a warrior when they saw one, and they respected him for it. Of course, few races ever had the chance to fight alongside the Andalites, but the individuals, the ones who fought, learned to respect their peers.   
Tobias didn't need to tell the Arisths who they were. The name Animorph was legendary, and the name Tobias...It was both a myth and a curse.   
Tobias embodied everything the Andalites loved and hated. Family and honor. A famous father. The hero, Elfangor. The Elfangor who broke the law. The Elfangor who married a human.   
Tobias had a warrior's heart. He was brave, noble, talented. Tobias was the perfect Andalite...in a human body. He was the merging of two cultures, two peoples, in one man.   
But he was only one man.   
  
Rachel crouched in the cave their ship was hidden in. "Tomorrow." She whispered.   
Tobias, who had demorphed so he wouldn't be so cramped in the small space, nodded. Yeah. The explosive's ready.   
Rachel bit her lip. "Tobias, I'm worried. These three will get us killed if something happens."   
Rachel, don't worry about it. We'll be fine. We've been on harder missions than this.   
Rachel sighed. "But I do worry."   
She didn't say, 'I worry about snapping, about you dying,' but Tobias knew she was thinking it.   
I love you. He said simply.   
Rachel stroked Tobias's feathers. "I know."   
  
"Shit, shit, shit!" Rachel muttered as the Dracons streamed overhead.   
Tobias tried to look over the barrier they were behind but quickly ducked down. "There are a lot of them. At least ten."   
Obscenity poured from Rachel mouth.   
"We either have to make a break for it or wait for Merdin and the guys to save our butts." Tobias muttered, thinking to himself.   
"This was supposed to be a _covert_ operation." Rachel grumbled.   
Tobias shrugged, then winced as another blast rocked their hiding place. "They know we're here, but they don't know _we_ are here."   
Rachel grinned, suddenly understanding. "Having an Animorph show up is rather demoralizing, isn't it?"   
Tobias nodded. "They're on the alert for Andalites, which means we have to change the plan."   
Rachel raised her eyebrow. "I take it I shouldn't morph to Andalite again."   
"No. Merdin can't get in, but I can."   
"Tobias..."   
"I'll go get him. He'll morph me, and then Aelex and Selynce will cause a distraction so I can sneak in. Give me ten minutes, then let yourselves be seen. Mass destruction. Shake 'em. Scare the shit out of 'em. Then the bomb will go off and they'll leave."   
Rachel looked at Tobias worriedly. "That's dangerous. Too many things could go wrong."   
"You sound like Jake."   
"And you sound like me."   
"I'll be fine. Go grizzly."   
"I love you."   
"I love you too."   
Tobias kissed her fiercely. "Good luck."   
As he flew away, he thought to himself, and perhaps even out loud, _We are forever_.   
  
The explosive was ready. Everything was ready.   
Merdin acquired Tobias and flew off to meet up with Rachel.   
The bomb was a chip. A very small chip. Tobias went ant. Small, but strong. As long as Aelex could get him close enough to the door, he'd make it.   
The plan was simple. Aelex and Selynce would attack. Aelex would throw Tobias in ant morph into the underground cavern and Tobias would push the bomb into the pool. The timer was 'wet' start so they would have ten minutes to get out.   
Rachel would provide a distraction. Tobias would fly out. Bird or fly. Either morph worked.   
  
The plan worked rather well. Aelex and Selynce got into a rather messy tail-fight, but Aelex threw Tobias a good distance so it only took him about a minute to reach the edge of the pool and push the bomb in. After that, everyone was so distracted with the fighting that no one noticed him demorph.   
Tobias called out the warning to Aelex and Selynce to get out of the pool. He could hear the sounds of fighting far away and knew that Rachel had come through.   
The Yeerks saw them retreat and, as Tobias expected, chased after them.   
The three converged with the other battle.   
It was too perfect.   
Two Hork-Bajirs attacked Rachel at the same time. She knocked one in the head, and he fell dead, but she didn't see the other.   
The Hork-Bajir slashed forward just as she turned to attack.   
To Tobias, the moment lasted a lifetime. Rachel, paw raised. The blade cutting deep. Blood gushing out from the vein in her neck.   
And she fell. Her heavy bear body crushed her attacker, impaling him on his own tail, and impaling _herself_ on his blade. The tip of the blade could be seen poking out of her back.   
RACHEL! Tobias didn't know if he actually screamed or not.   
There was a flash of red. Dracon beam. Rachel. He couldn't see Rachel! Where was she?   
Prince Tobias! Tobias was distracted as Merdin swooped over. We must leave now!   
No! Rachel's still-   
Quickly, the bo-   
A loud blast assaulted his sensitive ears.   
The bomb.   
  
something...something was moving… no, he was moving… falling…   
why was he falling?   
pain. his arm—wing—pain...   
another bird. crushed. crushed under mortar and concrete and metal.   
almost certainly dead.   
too late.   
he would die.   
he would die with Rachel.   
  
Prince Tobias! _  
A voice. Calling him. _  
Merdin?   
A pause. No, this is Cinto. _  
Cinto? How was Cinto dead? Had the base been attacked? Were Galuit and Alex dead as well? _  
Prince Tobias, you have suffered serious injuries. Please morph. _  
Morph? But he was dead. Still, why not?   
He heard the sounds of change, but felt nothing. Was this how it felt to be dead?   
But, no... The numbness was retreating... _  
His eyes snapped open. The blurriness faded, and Tobias saw through human eyes the worried face of Cinto-Agarian-Llorns.   
"I'm not dead?"   
No you are fine. The mission was a success.   
"Where's Rachel? And Merdin?"   
Cinto glanced at Aelex and Selynce, unsure.   
They're dead. Aelex replied angrily. Merdin went back for you.   
"Dead? No! No..."   
Go.   
Tobias looked up to see the sympathetic face of Galuit in the doorway. I must speak to Tobias alone.   
The others obeyed.   
"Captain..."   
I'm sorry, Tobias.   
"Is she really..."   
Galuit sighed. We have yet to find the body, but no one could have survived that blast.   
"I did!"   
You were protected by a sheet of metal that had fallen on you. Aelex tells me Rachel was in bear morph. Galuit sighed. The area's decimated. There's nothing left. We would have seen something that big.   
"But she-"   
Tobias, I'm very sorry for your loss, but Rachel is dead, and you must accept that.   
With that, Galuit left.   
Tobias tried to return to his life and duties but, but the memories were just too much. Everywhere he looked, he remembered Rachel.   
And he couldn't even talk about it. The mission was level Five. Top military secret. No one was supposed to know.   
Tobias had to leave, to go to a place where there was nothing to hurt him, nothing to make him think of Rachel. A place with no humans, no one who knew him, no one who would remind him of his past. 

-/|\-

Operation Eleca was deemed a success. The Yeerks were routed out. The planet and its people were safe.   
Aelex and Selynce had escaped with only a memory of the horror.   
Merdin, who had followed Aelex and Selynce out of the range of the bomb, had realized that Tobias and Rachel were missing. He had gone back for his commander. And lost his life.   
Rachel's body was never found, but there is little doubt she did not survive.   
Tobias left the base to join the Pilot Academy. A fighter could easily be adjusted to house a bird, as nearly all commands were in thought-speak. 

-/|\-

He promised himself he would never love, never care, again. It hurt far too much.   
But Tobias was still human, and to be human is to care.   
_  
Six years later... _  
  
Tobias strolled down the hallway, looking for room AF-359. He was new to this base and unfamiliar with its layout.   
"You looking for something?"   
Tobias spun around, shocked to hear a human voice.   
He saw a plump woman, probably in her late forties, holding a very large cake, and looking like she was about to fall over.   
"I'm looking for my quarters, AF-359." Tobias explained, hoping she knew her way around here.   
"Ah..." She nodded. "You're the guy from Command, huh?"   
Tobias nodded.   
"Come on, then. I'm headed to the Mess Hall myself, but your quarters are nearby. I'll drop you off."   
"Mess Hall?" Tobias asked surprised. "I wasn't aware there _was_ a Mess Hall."   
The woman laughed. "Well, Mess Plain is more like it. You know, the Dome."   
"Oh!" Tobias remembered that the place where you ate was called the 'Mess Hall' in the human military.   
"I'm Beth Ryser, by the way." She looked like she wanted to offer her hand, but they were full.   
"Tobias Fangor."   
"_The_ Tobias?"   
Tobias looked away. "Er... Here, let me take that." Tobias offered, gesturing at the cake.   
"Oh, thanks." She said, relieved. "Andalites can't carry much, so I always get stuck with the deliveries." She wrinkled her nose as she handed it over.   
The cake was heavy, Tobias noted.   
"You work here?" Tobias asked, though he couldn't imagine the Andalite military taking in a middle-aged woman who looked more like a favorite aunt than a general.   
"Goodness, _no_!" She laughed. "I'm here representing my church. I'm a missionary."   
Tobias stiffened. He never liked missionaries. The idea of someone intruding on the native culture and pushing others to change their beliefs just seemed wrong to him.   
Tobias's mouth had fallen open at this surprising revelation. "I thought they didn't allow missionaries." He muttered.   
"Special permission through the UN. Technically, its cultural observation, but I've been a missionary most of my life. This isn't any different."   
"And they don't mind you converting their troops?" Tobias asked in amazement.   
She laughed. "Oh, no, I'm not converting anyone. I gave up on that after the first week!"   
Tobias stared. "Then why are you still here?"   
"They're good boys, fighting for what they believe in. They're like my boys in a lot of ways."   
"You have kids?"   
She nodded. "Two boys. Matt's twenty. He's in college. Jon just turned nineteen. He's fighting too." She got a little teary-eyed. "I worry about him. He's my baby, you know. And then I see these boys out here and I realize that they have mothers too. Mothers who worry just as much as I do. So I figure I'll take care of their sons, and someone will take care of mine."   
Tobias nodded. "That's a nice thought."   
"The cake's for Nidee." She explained. "The latest mailstream came in, and he's got a new baby brother he hasn't seen yet! We're having a party to celebrate."   
Tobias was impressed. "You've got a close group here."   
Beth nodded. "A crew of a hundred. We're light-years from anywhere, so we tend to stick together. She stopped walking. "These are your quarters." She pointed to the door. "But, you know, if you're not busy or anything, you can come join us."   
Tobias thought about that. It would be an opportunity to see the rest of the crew and ship. The faster he wrote up this report, the sooner he'd be back in the fight. "Sure."   
  
The dome was slightly crowded, as it seemed 90% of the crew was there. When Beth came in, they cheered.   
"Everyone, this is Tobias from Command. He'll be joining us for a few weeks." Beth introduced.   
He noticed several wary looks in his direction and wondered.   
Tobias set the cake down on the ground. One of the Andalites cut it with his tailblade.   
Everyone morphed human and took a piece, talking and eating in small groups.   
Tobias noticed several other foods had been prepared. He watched from a distance, wondering how the crew had managed this acceptance of human culture.   
Beth came over with a piece of cake in each hand. "Here. She handed one to him."   
"Thanks." Tobias licked the icing. It was creamy and rich. A delectable he hadn't tasted in... how long? Six, seven years?   
  
"Hi!" Tobias looked up to see Beth smiling cheerfully at him from the doorway.   
"Hi." Tobias said, surprised.   
"Writing stuffy reports?" She asked, teasing.   
Tobias couldn't help but agree. The reports _were_ boring.   
"Come on, you've been here a week and you haven't left this room yet!"   
Tobias shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I've been busy."   
"Come on." She jerked her chin towards the hall. "I'll give you a tour of the base."   
A smile tugged at his lips. "Now?"   
"Yes, now." She laughed. "Lord, you're worse than some Andalites! Come on, quit being such a stoic."   
Tobias put down his datapad reluctantly. "All right... Why?"   
Beth studied him for a moment. "I want to show you something."   
Tobias followed her out. Finally, they stopped at a pair of doors. CR-1.   
Tobias looked at Beth quizzically.   
"Open." She commanded, ignoring his look. "Authorization Mern Bethany Woods Ryser."   
_Mern._ Tobias stared. Mern was a special title bestowed upon visiting officers, slightly below Prince, roughly equal to Lieutenant.   
The room was large, in the normal open style of a meeting room.   
"I needed to explain something to you." Beth said as she closed the door behind them. "Sit."   
Tobias sat in one of the two chairs, Beth in the other.   
"I came here almost a year ago. Exactly a year ago, actually, since I arrived with the last Command visit. I was supposed to leave with you."   
"But...?"   
"I don't want to." She sighed. "Let me explain. When I was 22, I married my college sweetheart after graduation. A year later, Christine was born."   
Tobias's chest tightened. Christine had been Rachel's middle name.   
"Christine was my first child. We were young, so we decided to wait a few years before having more kids.   
"Well, Ron got a stable job, pretty hard 'cause of the recession and all, but we were all right. Matt came three years later, and Jon a year after that. Jon was a bit of an accident," she blushed, "but none of that mattered. We were building our savings, and the economy got better; our few stocks shot up; we were living the good life." She whispered bitterly. "Christine was thirteen when the war broke out. Ron was almost forty -too old, I thought- but he still left to join the army." She sighed. "I went with the kids to a shelter. Chris...Chris wanted to fight. I wouldn't have let her join even if they were recruiting that young.   
"Well, she joined a teen guerrilla group instead. I didn't know about it until a year later. They did sabotage and spying, passing orders and information. Chris was devoted to it. During the last year of the war, she was always gone. I suspected, but I couldn't confront her. What could I do? It was a war. She didn't listen to me before, she wouldn't have then." Beth stopped. "At least, that's what I tell myself. Sometimes, I think if I had just said _something_, she wouldn't have died."   
"How did she die?" Tobias asked softly.   
"I don't know. They...two kids told me. It was in a raid at the Atlanta Pool, they said."   
Tobias looked up sharply. "What was the group called?"   
"What?"   
"The Resistance force your daughter was a member of. What was it called?"   
"Scorpio."   
Tobias leaned back thinking. "The Atlanta Pool... January 4th, 2002."   
"You know?"   
"I was there." Tobias shook his head. "I remember that. It was ugly." He thought back. "Your daughter, short brown hair? Tall?"   
"Yes... Did you know my daughter?"   
Tobias let out a breath of air through his pursed lips. Should he tell her?   
"I'll explain later. Finish your story."   
"Well, soon after the war ended, I found out Ron died at the Second Battle of Washington. I...I moved to Virginia. Savannah was completely wiped out. There was nothing to go back to. I home-schooled my boys at first, then ran a school of twenty kids.   
"After Jon turned sixteen, he worked in Reconstruction with Matt. I join the volunteers in Eastern Europe. The place was awful. Crater holes surrounded by little white tents.   
"But I couldn't stay. The war was so close to my heart... I turned to God, and He brought me here.   
"They didn't welcome me at first, but everyone, even Andalite warriors, need a mother. I became their mother. They became my boys."   
"So you take care of the crew."   
"I'm needed here, and I need here. I know how hard it is to lose a child. These boys won't die on my watch."   
Tobias understood the unspoken meaning. "You didn't fail Christine."   
"She died."   
Tobias sighed. How to tell her? "Your daughter, Mrs. Ryser-"   
"You can call me Beth, you know."   
Tobias shook his head. "I'm not talking to you as a friend. I'm telling you this as a Commander."   
Beth rocked back. He saw shock and confusion in her eyes. Ten years. Ten years had passed. Who was he to pick at old wounds? And yet, perhaps those would heal better with the truth.   
"Your daughter, Mrs. Ryser, died January 4th, 2002 at the Atlanta Pool. It was not a raid. It was a deliberate and carefully planned mission.   
"I didn't know your daughter, but I know what she did and how she died. She was a very brave woman, known to us only as Myen Twelve. The resistance had code names. Not the popular ones you hear about, but secret ones.   
"Have you ever heard of Myen?"   
Beth slowly nodded. "I received a note a week after Chris died. It said, 'Myen forever'."   
"Myen stands for 'my mind', the Resistance motto. Mind is the lowest level of secrecy, then Mynd, Myne, Myene, and finally, Myen. Your daughter was a powerful player in the Resistance."   
"There's something you're not telling me..." Beth whispered.   
"Christine died in a suicide bombing that obliterated the third largest Yeerk pool in the world." There. It was out.   
Beth didn't move. She just stared and stared.   
"It-it was her choice. She helped free a lot of people and win the war."   
"I...I never knew." Beth whispered tears falling down her face. "I never imagined that that she was in so deep... My God...She was just a kid."   
"A very strong and courageous kid. We were all kids."   
"How...how could the Resistance have allowed that? Didn't they think of the danger? She was far too young..."   
"Mrs. Ryser, the Resistance was completely made up of fighters younger than sixteen. Older than that and they were drafted."   
"Oh, God..."   
"War is war, but she died for what she believed in. I think that's a worthwhile cause."   
"Were you...Were you in the war?"   
"Yes."   
"You're one of the Animorphs."   
"Yes, I am."   
"It must have been hard."   
"It was hard, but life is hard."   
"I'm sorry."   
Tobias stood. "Thanks for telling me. I won't report this to Command."   
"Tobias..." Beth laid a hand on his shoulder. "If you ever need a mother, I'm here."   
  
  
Tobias stayed for six months before finally being forced to leave. In that time, he learned to open his heart to others after Rachel's death had slammed it shut. He had a mother, and he had friends.   
He vowed to return when the next command report was scheduled.   
But he never did.   
Three months after Tobias left, Outpost Base 391 was attacked. There were no survivors.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Review! Or the next one will take even longer to come out! 


	4. Beginnings

:Shadows   
_A/N: Hah! Finally! Finished this! Okay, a few things: One, the thing about Jordan having blond hair, it's explained in here. Also...there's some really strange stuff in here. That'll be explained later. And of course, the sap... This is where the T/J really gets on.. I'm trying to finish posting when the series ends. Which is in a month. ::cough:: I wouldn't bet on it, but I'm really trying! I've finished the entire first draft!   
Oh, someone said I should make the timeline clearer, and they're right...I didn't think the timeline matters too much to the plot, but here goes: Tobias and Rachel marry, two years later, Rachel dies, six year after that, the whole Beth thing begins, and two years later, Tobias returns to Earth :P Any more detail than that and I'll probably get something wrong...this timeline is probably the most complex I've worked with so far._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_**Beginnings**   
  
How can the Fates make one find   
A love that cannot possibly last   
When one was going home   
To escape the Shadows of the Past _  
  
Tobias smoothed down his shirt. An hour earlier, Jordan had announced dinner would be at seven, when Naomi was expected.   
_This,_ Tobias thought to himself, _will be an interesting dinner. _  
A bang signaled the closing of a door.   
"Tobias!" Marco's voice flowed from downstairs. "Naomi's home."   
Tobias headed downstairs.   
Naomi froze when she saw him, her coat only halfway off.   
Tobias shot Marco an anxious look. You didn't tell her I was coming?   
Marco jerked with surprise at hearing thought-speak but quickly recovered. He laid a gentle hand on Naomi's shoulder. "It's Tobias, remember? I told you about it last week. He's come to visit."   
"Oh." Naomi blinked. "Of course. Your old school friend, right? I'm sorry. For a minute I thought he was someone else." She turned, blustering, and went into the kitchen.   
Marco sent Tobias a hasty look over his shoulder and mouthed 'later'. He followed Naomi away.   
Tobias stood there on the landing, in shock.   
Jordan looked up at him. "She doesn't remember the War."   
"Nothing?"   
"After Rachel left, she had a breakdown. Then three years in psyche, and she came home and just forgot the ground war ever happened.   
"She thinks Rachel died in a car accident."   
Tobias could only stare.   
"Come on." Jordan sighed and looked at the ground. "We better go to dinner before she thinks something's wrong."   
Tobias could only wordlessly follow Jordan.   
  
Jordan carefully poured out the red wine.   
"Is it a special occasion?" Her mom asked innocently.   
"We've got a guest, Mom." Jordan forced a smile. In her heart she knew they were celebrating the day the ground war ended.   
"Oh, well, yes, of course." She smiled.   
Jordan served the casserole and struggled to keep the tears from falling. Life in this house was and always would be fake.   
Naomi talked about work and how her latest client was on trial for fraud, and how difficult it would be to defend him.   
To Jordan's ears, it was merely babble. Her family was fraud. That was what mattered.   
Naomi had her job. Sara had school. And she, Jordan could only sit there and wonder what had changed in the twelve years she was gone.   
  
Tobias could feel the unusual atmosphere around him. Not quite coldness, more like lack of warmth. Lack of love. Lack of family.   
No...Not quite. Naomi acted like a mother to Marco and Sara, but Sara ignored everyone except Marco, and Jordan was separate from them all. Marco, Tobias noted, was the only one acting normally.   
Naomi picked up a roll and turned to Tobias. "Now, what did you say your name was?"   
"Tobias. Tobias Fangor."   
"Ah... I heard you're a military man."   
"Retired now, actually."   
Naomi beamed. "How nice. You worked with those Andalites then?"   
"Yes."   
"Why, the other day, Marco was telling me about that treaty they're drawing up!"   
Marco nodded. "The Interstellar Free Trade Treaty. It's going well."   
"So. How long have you two know each other?"   
"Well..." Tobias hesitated. "For quite a few years, but our jobs have kept us separate until recently."   
"You must have been very close."   
"Yeah. We were good friends and teammates, but after the Wa-"   
Someone kicked him sharply in the shins.   
_Oh right. No War. _  
"Teammates in what?"   
"Uh...baseball."   
"Oh, how interesting! Now what were you going to say?"   
"The Wa-er...Wa-Watercrest game! That was the last game of the season, and then we headed in different directions. I've been in space for the past ten years."   
"Nice save." Jordan hissed into his ear.   
They ate in relative silence after that. Sara talked about school and how so-and-so was having a party and the dress someone else bought for Prom.   
Tobias realized he had never gone to _his_ Prom. They never had one.   
Tobias glanced at Jordan next to him, and he realized that while the War had changed his life, it must have altered hers a great deal more.   
He did not regret the War. It was horrible, but it was no worse than his childhood.   
But Jordan...Jordan must have lost everything.   
He remembered her. Perhaps she remembered him, perhaps not, but he would always remember her.   
She had saved his life.   
Ten years ago, a young girl with large brown eyes and a missing leg found him and removed the shrapnel from his heart.   
She was different now. She was no longer a child.   
The flower had finally bloomed.   
  
Jordan chewed.   
She chewed and swallowed and didn't taste any of it.   
Her family used to be so talkative at dinner. Now the words were empty and meaningless. Sara flirting. Marco joking. Naomi nodding and smiling.   
Things had changed so much.   
She had changed too. Perhaps the most of them all.   
She even looked different. She had matured and grown taller; her hair faded from brown to blond, a result of sunlight and radiation no one could quite explain.   
She was more quiet now, more thoughtful.   
And more angry.   
Angry at her family, angry at her life, angry at the world.   
She had said no.   
Lawrence had asked to move in with him after graduation.   
He would be going to the law school; she had been accepted to Harvard Medical.   
After dating for five years it was clearly the next step.   
She would pursue her M.D. and he his license. They would live together and save money and get married afterwards.   
He thought she would say yes. So did she.   
But she didn't.   
She realized she had sat through years of class never knowing why or what she was working for.   
So she said no.   
She left and came home.   
Except home wasn't home anymore.   
  
Tobias stared out the window and wondered.   
What was he doing here? In this house, in these people's lives. What was he looking for?   
_It's just the wedding. You're just here for the wedding._   
And after?   
What then?   
_You got a job to do here too don't forget that. _  
_Think about it later. _  
"Tobias."   
He turned to see Marco in the doorway. "Hi."   
Marco flopped onto his bed. "Some day, huh?"   
"Yeah."   
"What's with Jor?"   
"She's mad at me."   
"Why?"   
"I called her Rachel by mistake."   
"She'll get over it."   
Tobias only nodded.   
"Hey." Marco pursed his lips and looked at Tobias. "This starting over thing ain't easy, but it does get better."   
  
He quickly read the message.   
The address was that of a ranch in Texas. A satellite picture was attached. 24-hour surveillance should be available in a day or so.   
Phone records showed that she had called no one unusual.   
_Good. _  
He deleted the message and erased all traces of its presence from the hard drive.   
The message gone, Tobias turned off the computer.   
  
Jordan glanced at Marco's packed bag. "Where are you going?"   
"Washington."   
"Washington? With Naomi?"   
"Sort of. Her firm's handling some of the legal issues."   
Jordan shivered. Public revelation of Z-Space theory... "You think it'll go through?"   
"I don't know. The potential is great for both good and evil. Z-Space technology for humans is like the Elbachi equation. We could save lives and solve a lot of problems, or we could kill us all."   
"Marco..." Jordan hesitated. "Good luck."   
  
Tobias sipped his coffee. "So it's just the two of us, huh?"   
Jordan didn't look up from her breakfast. "Yeah. Sara'll be gone 'til nine. They're having dress rehearsal today."   
"Ah."   
Silence.   
"Tobias..." Jordan hesitated.   
"Jordan—" He said at the same time.   
"You first." Jordan said.   
"I'm sorry."   
"Me, too."   
"For what?" Tobias asked with surprise.   
"For snapping at you the other day."   
"No, no, it was my fault. I shouldn't have-"   
She held up a hand. "Forget it. Start over."   
Tobias nodded and turned back to his coffee. "Jordan, if you don't mind me asking..."   
Jordan hesitated then said, "Go ahead."   
"What..." Tobias searched for the right words. "_happened_ between you and Rachel?"   
Jordan shrugged. "She...left. Us. She just walk out, and you know what? I even told her to go."   
"So why the animosity?"   
Jordan swallowed. "I didn't want her to leave, but I knew that was what she wanted."   
"Jordan..."   
"She wanted you, not us. She left this family, and this family fell apart without her."   
"I don't understand... You-"   
"Every family needs a leader. Rachel was ours. I thought... I thought we could make it without her. And we did, sort of." Jordan stopped to collect her thoughts. "I left for school. Sara stayed with Jake's family while Naomi went to psyche, and now... Now we're a different sort of family."   
"I-I don't understand."   
"There's Naomi, the Miracle Worker, Marco, the successful oldest, Sara, the sheltered young one, and me, the jealous middle sister.   
"When Rachel left this family, this family had to forget about her and move on."   
"But she never forgot you."   
"She didn't?"   
"She loved you guys. She always did."   
"She left."   
"There was a war. She had to fight. Do you really think she was happier out there? She would have rather we stayed and built a family _here_."   
"How do you know?"   
"Jordan... I've never told anyone this, but..." Tobias stared out the window and a tear ran down his cheek. "Rachel was pregnant when she died."   
"What?"   
"She always said she wanted a family someday, and that she didn't want to raise a kid in space." Tobias continued, almost to himself. "She used to ask me if it was okay if we moved back someday to have a family. And she said this one time, she knew what she wanted to name our first child,   
"and I asked her, 'What?',   
"and she said, 'No matter if it's a girl or a boy, I want to name it Jordan."   
Jordan's cup fell with a clatter and coffee sloshed all over the table.   
"It was a girl." Tobias whispered. "I didn't find out until after, when her doctor told me. She was two months pregnant. She wanted to surprise me.   
"That was supposed to be the last mission. It's too dangerous to morph after ten weeks." Tobias looked at Jordan. "We would have come back."   
"Oh, God..."   
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"   
"No. Thanks for telling me. Just, please, don't tell Mom."   
Tobias looked up. "You called her 'Mom'."   
Jordan blinked. "I did, didn't I? It's been a long time."   
"Start over?"   
"Start over."   
  
"Mmhhhh..." Tobias stuck his head in the kitchen door. "What are you cooking, Jordan? Smells heavenly!"   
Jordan laughed. "Trying to get on my good side, are you? It's just spaghetti sauce."   
"Well," Tobias crossed the kitchen in two huge steps and grabbed the wooden stirring spoon away from Jordan. "It just so happens that I haven't had spaghetti sauce in a very long time." He tested the edge of the spoon with his tongue. "Yum. But hot." He added.   
Jordan laughed and took the spoon back. "Get outta here, you."   
Tobias pouted. "I don't get to help?"   
"You know how to cook?" Jordan asked skeptically.   
"Only rations." Tobias admitted sheepishly. "But I can still manage to keep spaghetti from burning."   
"Really?" Jordan slowly smiled. "In _that_ case, you should get started on the duck de l'orange."   
"DUCK DE L'ORANGE?!" Tobias asked in shock.   
Jordan doubled over laughing. "No, of course not!"   
Tobias blinked. "What?"   
"I was kidding! You should have seen the look on your face!" Jordan continued laughing.   
"Why, you little..." Tobias grabbed the salt container and held it threateningly at Jordan.   
"Eek!" Jordan turned and ran as a sprinkle of table salt hit her.   
Tobias chased Jordan around the kitchen, into the family room, through the dining room, and back into the kitchen. Jordan quickly threw open a cupboard door and grabbed the first thing her hand laid on, which turned out to be a bag of flour.   
She turned gleefully and held the bag in front of her. "Hah! I've got the power now!"   
Tobias skidded to a stop and narrowed his eyes. "Oh, yeah?" Suddenly, he sprang and tackled Jordan. The bag of flour fell from her hands and landed upside down on his head.   
Jordan tried to squirm away, but Tobias manage to hold on. White powder swirled around them, making them both cough.   
Tobias sat up and laughed. "Jordan, you're completely covered in flour!" And she was. There was flour all over her clothes, her skin, in her hair, and even on her eyelashes.   
"So are you!" Jordan retorted. Then her eyes widened. "Oh, _no_!   
Tobias frowned. "What?" Then he smelled it. Something was burning.   
Jordan jumped up and dashed to the stove. "The spaghetti!"   
Tobias followed her and grimaced when he saw it. The sauce was now a burned mess.   
Jordan turned off the stove and shoved the pot in the sink, filling it with cool water.   
Sighing, she said, "So much for dinner."   
"It's okay." Tobias shrugged. "It's just the two of us, after all. Sara's not eating with us. We can just order a pizza."   
"I suppose..." Jordan hesitated. "But we'll have to clean up this mess first."   
Tobias looked around and almost laughed. The kitchen looked like it had fallen victim to a recent snowstorm.   
"Tell you what, Jordan," he said, "you go change and take a shower. I'll clean the floor. Then we'll switch, and you can order pizza and get everything for dinner."   
"Alright." Jordan headed up the stairs.   
Tobias dusted himself off and got the vacuum out of the closet.   
  
The hot spray ran down Jordan's back, and she sighed with content. Thinking back, she hadn't had this much fun in years.   
Tobias was such a sweet guy. No wonder Rachel loved him.   
No wonder she loved him too.   
She had never stopped, had she? She had put that love on hold. But now...   
Tobias was here.   
And Rachel was gone.   
Jordan shivered despite the heat around her. Such horrible thoughts, for her to go after her sister's husband.   
And yet...   
_He's not married anymore. Rachel's dead. He's not hers anymore. He's free. And I can have him. _  
Jordan quickly shut off the shower. This was crazy. This was completely crazy.   
She stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself. Tobias was off-limits. He had to be. She opened the door. The faster she got away from this muddling steam, the better.   
Jordan looked up, and there he was.   
  
Tobias's mouth dropped open. A dripping wet Jordan in only a small clingy towel was _not_ what he expected, and yet he couldn't help but think that she looked very sexy at that moment. "Jordan! I-I'm sorry. I knocked, and your door was unlocked..." His voice faded as he ran out of things to say.   
_You idiot!_ His brain yelled. _Now she's going to think you're a jerk. _  
"It's okay." Jordan blushed. "The shower was probably loud, and I didn't hear you. Don't worry about it, I don't mind- I mean, it's not your fault, I-" She stopped suddenly.   
_I don't mind._ Tobias felt his cheeks grow hot. Did she mean what he thought she did? "I, uh, should, uh, probably go now." Tobias tried to avoid looking at Jordan.   
"Yeah, I... I guess you should." She now seemed fascinated with a spot on the carpet.   
He didn't move. He just stood there, and all sorts of thoughts flew through his mind. The most prominent one being the repetition of two names.   
_Jordan. Rachel. Jordan Rachel. Jordan. Rachel. _  
Tobias shook himself mentally. He loved Rachel. He always would. Jordan just reminded him of her, that was all. No other reason he felt this way.   
None.   
Tobias hurried back out the door, yet a small part of his mind wanted nothing more than to kiss Jordan.   
  
Jordan got dressed hurriedly, making sure she wasn't wearing anything that could be taken as suggestive.   
_whywhywhywhywhy _  
_I'm in love with my sister's widower._ Jordan thought to herself. _That's wrong. _  
_Isn't it? _  
She called the pizza place and ordered a large pepperoni with extra cheese. Sara could have any leftovers if she was still hungry when she got back.   
Jordan got out plates and forks and turned on the news.   
_"And today, at Alliance headquarters in Toronto, leaders from the Andalite government and military, the Alliance and the UN, as well as representatives from social, environmental, and scientific groups gathered for a round of talks on the possible public revelation of currently classified Z-Space theory and technology. _  
_"Widely supported by scientists in all fields, the plan is opposed by groups fearing misuse of such information, including Zero Weapons. _  
_"At the center of this controversy is Dr. Marco Elonzo, head of the only Alliance research lab currently in possession of the debated data. He arrived here in Toronto today, as well as Andalite military representative Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. Ambassador Jacob Robertson and his wife Cassandra Robertson, Alliance liaison to the UN, arrived yesterday, ready to begin the talks." _  
The screen shifted and Jake's face appeared. The caption read: Amb. Jacob Robertson (Andalite). _"I'm hopeful we can find a balance here. I think this is the right time. People are ready. The War's been over for ten years and we've rebuilt our world. It's time to move onward and join our friends in space."_   
The camera went back to the reporter. _"Regretfully, the highest ranking human officer in the Andalite military, Prince Lt. Commander Tobias Fangor, will not be attending the summit due to scheduling conflicts." The screen changed to show a picture of a bearded man in uniform. "He is unable to return and will remain in deep space. However, he expressed his support for the goal of the summit in a written statement released to the Associated Press yesterday." _  
Jordan sat there, shaking. She could her heart hammering in her chest.   
_Tobias in deep space. Statements to the press. _  
Jordan shivered. If Tobias was out there, who was in her house?   
Some nut was living here masquerading as Tobias! My God, he had nearly seen her naked!   
She slowly arose and slipped into the kitchen. It was empty. Tobias, or the man who called himself Tobias, must still be in the shower. She grabbed a frying pan and tiptoed up the stairs.   
  
Tobias quickly scrubbed the flour from his hair. It was all clump-y.   
_Damnit, I can't believe I thought Jordan looked sexy!_ He smacked himself in the head. _How could I do that? This is _Jordan _here. My sister-in-law! Isn't that illegal? _  
Tobias growled to himself. This was crazy, and he had to sort out his feelings before...   
Before he acted on them.   
Tobias turned off the water. He couldn't do that. He couldn't hurt Jordan that way. And he couldn't betray Rachel.   
The shower curtain flew back with a jerk, revealing a shocked Jordan.   
"Shit!" Tobias yelled jumping back. He grabbed the curtain and pulled it over, covering his private parts. "Goddamnit, Jordan, what the hell are you doing here?!" He demanded angrily.   
Jordan still looked freaked out but calmer than a moment ago. Her mouth was no longer agape, and her eyes were back to normal size. "I should ask you the same question! In fact, I'm asking you right now!"   
"What? I'm taking a shower. I told you that!"   
"No, what are you doing _here_. In my house."   
Tobias blinked. "Marco invited me?"   
Jordan looked like she was about to slap him. "Marco invited _Tobias_, not you, you impostor!"   
Tobias blinked. "I'm not Tobias?"   
"Don't play games with me," she growled. "I want the truth, and I want it _now_. Who are you?"   
Only then did Tobias notice the frying pan in her hand. He gulped. Jordan was serious. And nuts.   
He assessed the situation. Jordan had a frying pan on him, but he was taller and heavier than she was. He could probably take her, but that would mean letting go of the shower curtain...   
He decided to try the diplomatic route. "Er... I _am_ Tobias, Jordan. I don't know what makes you think I'm not, but I am."   
"Liar! I saw you in the news. They had a picture of Tobias and it looked nothing like you! They said you were in deep space."   
Tobias winced. "Oh, _that_." _badbadbad _  
"So you admit it?"   
"No! They're wrong! That picture _is_ me. I look different with a beard." Tobias said defensively.   
"What about the statement?"   
"Statement?"   
"They said you gave a written statement _yesterday_."   
"Ah, shit, _Galuit_."   
"What?"   
"Look, Jordan, the Andalite military is lying about my whereabouts."   
"Why?"   
"Because I told them to. Something went wrong with a mission, Jordan, and the public can't know. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm not at that summit. And that's why no one can know where Tobias Fangor is."   
"Why the hell not?"   
"I can't tell you that."   
"Then why should I believe you?"   
"Because you want to trust me."   
  
Jordan stared. _Because you want to trust me?_ What kind of answer was that?   
Except... Except he was right. She _did_ want to trust him. She wanted to believe, because if he was telling the truth, she still had a chance with him.   
"I do." Jordan slowly traced the outline of Tobias's cheekbone with her finger, as if testing if he was tangible and real. "I really do."   
"Then trust me."   
A flood of emotions churned inside her. This man was asking her to believe him on the basis of nothing. And yet... No, not nothing. He was asking her to believe him on the basis of her love.   
"Okay."   
Jordan backed away and out of the bathroom. Life wasn't supposed to be this way, but it was.   
You weren't suppose to fall in love with your dead sister's husband, but she did.   
  
Jordan curled up on the couch, staring out the window. A million thoughts ran through her mind, but none were coherent. Fragments of past memories came and left, leaving her with an inexplicable sorrow.   
Footsteps thumped down the stairs.   
"Jordan?"   
She looked up. "Hmm?"   
"Do you love me?" He asked plainly.   
Her heart skipped a beat. She couldn't find any words to say and simply looked at him.   
"Please, I need to know." His face was twisted with an odd sort of pain.   
"Yes. How could you tell?"   
"If you didn't, you wouldn't have trusted me."   
"Oh." She felt like there was a black hole in the pit of her stomach, eating away at her. He must hate her now.   
"Jordan..." Tobias walked over and took her hand. "You're a wonderful person-"   
"But I'm not Rachel." She whispered.   
"No, you're not Rachel. You are a beautiful, talented, smart, kind, funny person."   
Jordan looked at the hand that was holding hers, smooth and strong, just a size bigger than her own.   
"I never thought I would love anyone else after Rachel, but when I saw you, I wasn't so sure anymore."   
Jordan looked up. _Was he saying that... _  
"Jordan, I honestly don't know what this thing I'm feeling is, but..." Tobias stopped. "It's been eight years. And I've never tried to move on, but I'd like to try with you."   
Jordan stood, his hand still interlocked with hers, and found that she was crying. "I'd like that too." She leaned forward her chin tilted up, and his lips lowered to meet hers.   
The kiss was bittersweet. The pain of the years intermingled with the guilt and fear they both felt, but there was also a loneliness that needed to be satisfied.   
The kiss was hesitant at first but then deepened as all doubt faded. This was right. This was so right.   
She loved him, and he loved her, and neither his ghosts nor her shadows could ever change that.   
  
Something had changed inside him. Some spark that vanished eight long years ago had returned.   
He loved her. He knew that, if nothing else.   
But he was afraid. Afraid of his past, afraid of hers. Afraid of the past they shared together.   
He was afraid of Rachel, afraid that what he had with her before would destroy his happiness now.   
No, his dead wife would not return as a vengeful spirit, bent on killing him, but Rachel had left her mark on the world, and on him, and that mark could never be removed.   
She could keep them apart simply because she loved him.   
And because he loved her.   
  
The house was empty. Sara was at school; Jordan was out shopping.   
Tobias took out his computer.   
The device was small, about the size of the old CDs. It projected a holographic screen and took thought-speech commands. Andalite technology of course.   
It took several minutes to get a secure Z-Space link.   
Red-hawk to Four-eyes. You there?   
An Andalite face appeared, not amused. Those were not the codenames we agreed on.   
Nevermind that. Tobias waved it off. No one's listening in.   
What have you found?   
It appears Alex was lied to.   
By who?   
An Andalite high up who wanted to sabotage the treaty. Tobias's face was grim.   
But the treaty process is going well.   
If this comes out, it will derail it. The two parties will become distrustful of each other.   
Then we must keep this silent until after it is signed.   
A pause. That may be difficult. Whoever is behind this must be in the Electorate.   
In that case...   
He will be removed.   
Tobias suddenly turned. Was that the garage door he heard?   
Go! He terminated the call with a swift stroke.   
The car door slammed closed.   
Tobias unhooked the link-up and slipped the computer into his pocket.   
The door opened.   
"Tobias?"   
"Hey, Jordan!" He called back.   
Tobias checked the room one last time to make sure he had left nothing conspicuous and left to join Jordan in the kitchen.   
  
The days and weeks passed. The summit ended successfully, with a plan to release all Zero-space data gradually in the next five years.   
And through all that, Tobias found himself falling in love with the beautiful young lady at his side.   
It wasn't that she was like Rachel, in fact, there were a lot of ways they differed, but Jordan did remind him of Rachel. Her smile, the way she walked, her determination...   
But Jordan did not have Rachel's confidence, nor her anger. Tobias could tell Jordan had a lot of pent-up of anger and hate inside her, but it wasn't inherent, just what she had picked from the War.   
Jordan didn't go looking for a fight, just defended herself when there was one.   
And she was quieter, more subtle. She planned and watched and played her cards. She could read people the way Cassie could, but she was much colder. She had learned during the War to control her emotions.   
And he liked that she depended on him for love, not to keep her sane. She was funny. She liked to laugh, and she was kind.   
No, she was not Rachel. She looked like Rachel, but inside she was different.   
She was, Tobias thought, more suited to him than Rachel. All of Rachel's good qualities and none of her dangerous ones.   
It was a cruel thought to think, but it was the truth. Jordan was the sister he should have met first.   
Except she wasn't.   
He had met Rachel first. And he still loved her.   
But he loved Jordan too.   
  
Marco leaned back into the couch after listening to Tobias's account of his dilemma. "Man, that's harsh."   
"I know."   
"You want my advice? Stick with it. Jordan and you... I can't say I don't find it weird, but if you really love her, man, don't let go, or you'll lose your chance."   
"I know, but..."   
"What do you have to lose?"   
"The woman I love."   
Marco frowned. "And who's that?"   
"That's the problem. I don't know."   
  
Tobias knocked on the door. "Jordan?"   
"Come in."   
She was sitting on her bed, watching TV.   
She looked up. "Hey, Tobias."   
"Hey." He sat down next to her. "Can we talk?"   
"Okay." She muted the TV.   
"I was thinking. About us." He paused. "We- I love you, and you love me, and I look at Marco and Lydia, and they're so happy, and I wonder why we're not like that."   
Jordan said nothing.   
"I mean, we deserve that, don't we?" Tobias continued, as if trying to convince himself rather than Jordan. "We deserve to be happy."   
"Yes, we do," Jordan whispered.   
"But we've always been so afraid. Of the past. Of the future..." He stopped and took her hand in his. "We have to trust this. Us. Our love."   
"I trust you."   
"Jordan," He paused, "I know it won't be easy, but I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."   
Jordan looked up into Tobias's eyes. "Are you-"   
"Will you marry me?"   
  
She didn't know what to say. She did love him. Enough to want to marry him. But their lives weren't as simple as that.   
"How do you know what you want?" She finally whispered. "How can anyone be know...if they love someone so much they're sure they want to spend the rest of their life with them?"   
Tobias stroked her hair. He didn't answer the question she asked, but rather the one she didn't; the one caught in her heart, afraid to be let out.   
"I know because every time I look at you, my heart skips a beat, and every moment you're away, it hurts so bad it's almost physical. I know we belong together because I'm not complete without you. And nothing, _nothing_, will ever change that."   
Jordan turned. "Do you love me, Tobias?"   
"Yes, I do."   
Jordan nodded and turned her gaze back to the TV. "Okay. Okay, I'll marry you."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Review, please! ::gets down on her knees:: I need my review fix! (My name is Ruby, and I am a feedback addict...) 


	5. Ghosts

Shadows of Ra: Part 5-Ghosts   
_A/N: Oh, my... Well, Animorphs is ending, with some hugh plot twists. Just remember that this is AU, so it doesn't take any of that fun stuff into account ^_^   
This chapter, I hope, will wrapped all that confusing Tobias stuff. And if now, the next one will :P   
Patience, everyone, the saga's almost over...._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Ghosts_**   
  
You can only run so far   
If you're running from your past   
For the ghosts of history follow you   
As Shadows from your Past   
One year later...   
  
Tobias leaned back in his chair. "Report."   
Twelve casualties on our side. Estimated twenty-nine for the Yeerks. We've sustained heavy damage to the main ship, but the Yeerks have retreated. Sancia is secure.   
"Good. When the _Deathblade_ gets here, set us on course for rendezvous with the main dome."   
And the others, Sir?   
"I believe they will stay, however, we are badly in need of repairs, so we will leave regardless of their status."   
Yes, Sir.   
"That is all. Inform me when the _Deathblade_ arrives."   
Yes, my Prince.   
Tobias sighed as the warrior left. Commanding a team of pilots was tiring, but he was needed here.   
He massaged the bridge of his nose. That last battle had left him drained. Thankfully, repairs would take at least a _deglash_, and he could get a break.   
Maybe a quick nap would help.   
Tobias yawned. He was too tired to morph now, and he was afraid he would sleep right though the two-hour limit.   
He checked the clock. He had over an hour left.   
_I'll go get some food, then morph._   
Tobias was by now used to the regiment of demorphing and morphing every few hours. He slept and piloted as a hawk, but otherwise spent his time as a human.   
There was both a practical and personal reason for this. By spending less time as a hawk, he was extending the life of the hawk and, therefore, his own. Also, it was rather difficult to fly around in the artificial gravity of the ships. Third, he rather enjoyed being human. Flying was pure freedom, but warm apple pie was pure heaven.   
This last thought reminded him of his empty stomach.   
Tobias got up and grabbed a ration bar. He'd head down to storage and see if they had any freeze-dried food left.   
The halls were mostly empty as everyone was busy repairing or containing damaged areas.   
Storage, fortunately, had not been hit.   
But to Tobias's surprise there was already someone in the room.   
"Hey, who's there?"   
The person turned. Tobias realized with surprise that it was a man. A _human_ man.   
"Tobias, that you?"   
Tobias blinked. That voice... He knew that voice!   
"Alex?"   
"Yeah. Hey, they said you were debriefing."   
"I was. What are you doing here?"   
"Trying to find some food."   
"You too?"   
"Yeah, haven't eaten for twelve hours. I'm starving, and they don't even have a stash of ration bars up there!"   
"That's cause I've got them all." Tobias couldn't help but grin.   
"Ah, I see. So what are you doing down here?"   
"Got a craving for apple pie."   
Alex's eyes lit up. "You've got pie here?"   
"No, but I think we've got some beef jerky somewhere."  
"You're kidding!" Alex gasped, practically drooling.   
"Check that box." Tobias pointed to a container left of Alex.   
Alex tried to open it. "Locked." He said disappointed.   
"Then it's the right one." Tobias went over, punched in a password, and the lid sprang open. He took out the single gray bag. "Last one," he murmured wistfully.   
Tobias shrugged and tore it open. He handed a piece to Alex and popped one into his own mouth, and the two old friends left to talk, catch up, and remember.   
  
"So how have you been?" Tobias asked.   
The jerky was long gone, and several ration bars wrappers littered the floor.   
"Busy. We've got a lot of missions to take care of."   
"Same here." Tobias shook his head. "It almost seems as if the Yeerks are getting stronger rather than weaker."   
"So, how's Sarah?" Tobias asked, changing the topic.   
"She's good, I suppose. Haven't seen her in two months, but I'm up for leave in three weeks. She's not happy I'm gone so much, but this schedule's worked so far. It's saved our marriage, really."   
Tobias nodded. He knew about the plan they had worked out. Sarah would stay on Earth, and Alex would work with the military in space, but come home on leaves.   
"We only see each other three months a year, but we've made it work."   
Tobias stiffened. The perfection and destruction of his own marriage rushed back to him. "I'm glad." He managed to say.   
"But that's not why I'm here." Alex cleared his throat. "I'm here to extend to you a proposition."   
"A proposition?"   
"A proposition about undertaking a certain mission."   
Tobias raised his eyebrow. "Why tell me?"   
"This is a joint mission to 'test' a new Alliance ship."   
"Test?"   
"There is a Yeerk base on the second moon of Horizon, a planet in the Omega sector. The mission is to go there and gather an 'intelligence report'."   
"Meaning?"   
"Destroy the main compound."   
"Why the new ship?"   
"The Yeerks have sensors installed that'll pick up Shredder radiation. The new ships have modified shields, but we've never tried them out in a real mission."   
"They want test subjects."   
"Two pilots. One from the Alliance. One from the Andalites. This is a joint venture. It's a Alliance ship, but the planet's in a sector with a heavy Andalite presence."   
"Three, maybe for ships. That's not what I'd call heavy."   
"But the Alliance has none. We'd have to take off from an Andalite dome or base."   
"Alex, if you want me to recommend a pilot, I really don't think I can spare anyone right now."   
"No, I don't want you to recommend one of your pilots, I want _you_ come with me."   
"Me?"   
"You're one of the best damn pilots in the fight, Tobias. And we've worked together before, which increases our chances of succeeding."   
"So this is risky."   
"Yes. We don't know if the new shields are enough, but we can't wait any longer. The Yeerks are preparing to invade Horizon, which means we have to move _now_."   
"Horizon has no defenses?"   
"Not enough. They're in the middle of a fractured peace process. A global war ended just ten years ago. If they're provoked, a nuclear war could engulf the whole population."   
"No chance they could fight back?"   
"Tobias, think. If the Yeerks had shown up on Earth ten years after World War II, what do you think would have happened?"   
"Damn..." Tobias whispered, leaning back. "The Yeerks are crazy."   
"They're desperate."   
"Someone has to stop them."   
"Yes, but are you coming?"   
  
How? How could he go? He had a team to command; a force to train and deploy into battle.   
Tobias sighed. He couldn't tell Alex 'no', but what would he tell Command?   
_ "Incoming message from Command for Prince Tobias Fangor. Priority One."_   
_Nice timing._ Tobias thought as he opened the letter. But as he read his face became paler and paler.   
Tobias reread the letter again. Now his face was red with anger.   
It was a suicide mission, pure and simple. And Alex didn't know, or maybe he just didn't believe it. _Send someone_, Command had said. _Someone we can afford to lose._   
Tobias let out a long breath. He had sent a lot of pilots to their deaths, but never like this. Never knowing with absolute certainty they would never come back. How could he do that? And how could he let his best friend go?   
_Think about it later._ He told himself. _You don't have to decide now._   
Tobias scrolled through the rest of the messages waiting for him. Several more from Command, none priority. A letter from Jake, and a letter from...Sarah.   
Why would Sarah be writing to him? Was she trying to get a hold of Alex? Tobias's curiosity got the better of him, and he opened it, though he had many other things he needed to do.   
  
_ Dear Tobias,_   
  
_ I know it has been a long time, but I hope you still consider me a friend. If not, I hope you still consider Alex a friend._   
_ I know what he is planning. I know he will go to you for help, or else he has already done so. I know you cannot stop him, and I will not ask you to try, but please, go with him. He is my husband. I love him, and I do not want to lose him. I trust you, Tobias, and I know if anyone can bring him back safely to me, it's you. _  
_ I know you understand how I feel. I know how much you loved Rachel. Please, for the sake of that love, help me._   
_Oh God..._ Tobias closed his eyes. She knew. How could she know?   
And she was asking... She was asking the impossible. What he knew was Level Five secrecy. He could not reveal it to Alex, but unless he could convince Alex not to go without telling him the truth, then...   
Tobias remembered Sarah's words. She was right about Rachel.   
How could he ever face her? How could he ever face anyone, knowing he had sent his best friend to his death?   
_Sarah._ She had been his friend. Eight years did not change that. He owned it to her to try.   
_I'll bring him back, Sarah, I swear. I swear on my life, I'll bring you your husband back._   
  
"Alex!" Tobias jogged down the hall after his friend.   
"Tobias! What's up?"   
"About the mission..." Tobias hesitated. He couldn't tell him why... _For Sarah._ "I'm coming with you."   
"Really? After last time, I got the impression you didn't want to come."   
"Well..." Tobias shrugged. "I thought about it, and I changed my mind."   
Tobias wasn't sure Alex believed him, but it didn't matter. They were going.   
  
"_Ten seconds to liftoff._" The computer chirped.   
Tobias looked over at the copilot chair. "You sure you want me piloting? It's your ship.   
Alex shook his head. "You're the better pilot. Remember back on the base, we'd do scouting together? Besides," he fingered the weapons controls, "I'm a pretty good shot these days."   
_He loves this._ Tobias thought. _He's as excited as a little kid going on his first roller coaster ride. Flying this mission is everything to him._   
"Powering engines..." Alex flipped up the controls.   
Tobias felt the familiar hum of the fusion engines as the ship powered up.   
The hull opened before him. Tobias tightened his grip on the controls.   
"All systems go."   
Tobias pulled and the ship lifted from its holdings.   
With a _whoosh_, the main engines kicked in. Tobias was amazed by the G-Force, something rarely experienced in an Andalite ship. It was like comparing a Hot Rod to a Cadillac.   
"Gets the adrenaline going, doesn't it?" Alex grinned.   
Stars flashed by them in a dazzling display of light.   
"It's fast." Tobias agreed.   
"Powering Z-space engines... Jumping to Z-space!"   
The viewscreen faded to blank whiteness.   
"We're in."   
"Switching to autopilot. We've got just under an hour before we reach Horizon."   
Tobias leaned back. _And then we go in blind._   
No sensors. No communication.   
_If only,_ Tobias thought, _we weren't carrying these shredders._ The signature was distinct. The shields uncertain.   
_If only we weren't on this mission._   
  
"Approaching Horizon..."   
"Manual on."   
"Exiting Z-Space...Now!"   
"All systems go... We're out."   
"Position: Six million meters and closing. Approaching the system at Mach twenty. Out of range of sensors."   
"Slowing to Mach one... How are we?"   
Alex's eyes flicked over the readings. They haven't detected us yet."   
"Good. Shields up."   
"Shields up."   
"Shut down long range sensors."   
"Shutting down..."   
"Power down weapons."   
"Weapons off."   
"Kill the Z-Space engines."   
"Engines off-line..."   
"Plot course: 89-62 degrees. Mach ten.   
"Course plotted."   
"Auto-pilot on."   
"ETA: 20 minutes."   
"Alex, take the controls. I'm going to do a quick morph-demorph."   
Alex nodded.   
Tobias removed his straps and, bending to avoid the low ceiling, climbed out of the cockpit.   
  
Twenty minutes later, Tobias was back in his seat, orbiting the planet of Horizon.   
"Only twenty Bugs in orbit." Tobias observed.   
Alex nodded in agreement. "The main base is on land. The Bugs are just enough to deter a direct assault."   
If either the Andalites or the Alliance attacked, they would win a space battle, but casualties would be high, and neither force was open to such an unfavorable option.   
"Turn on extra shielding."   
"X-Shields on."   
The row of monitors before him went blank. Sensors could not pierce the shields. Tobias squeezed the hand controls. "Manual on."   
He felt a slight jolt as the ship came under his control.   
"Entering atmosphere..." Tobias eased the ship down.   
"We're in."   
Tobias squinted. "I think I see the base."   
Alex agreed. "Slowing speed."   
"I see it..." Tobias pulled the ship into a tight loop. "Power weapons."   
"Ten seconds to maximum power."   
Tobias made one last turn. "Systems on."   
"Seven seconds."   
"Aim."   
"Five."   
"Steady..."   
"Four."   
"Dropping basic shields..."   
"Three... Two..."   
Tobias saw the Bug in the faint reflection off the hull.   
"One."   
"Go!" Tobias yelled. The Bug was going to fire...   
But Alex misunderstood the command. He fired just as Tobias punched the engines.   
"Shitshitshitshitshit!" Alex dropped the extra shields and sensors came back on. "Three Bugs on our tail. More on the way."  
Tobias wrenched the ship into a corkscrew. "Did you hit the base?"   
"Some of it. Missed the Kandrona."   
"Damn... Hit the bugs!"   
"We'll never get them all..." Alex muttered. "Turn around! We'll punch through them. I can take out the base!"   
"Alex..."   
"Trust me."   
Tobias swore, then flipped the ship over. "One shot."   
Five Bugs. Past one. Past two... BUG!   
Right in front of them!   
To late... TURN! More! More... Too close...   
CRASH!   
  
Tobias groaned. His head hurt horribly.   
He touched his head and felt something warm and slippery. Blood.   
Tobias began to panic. How long had he been out? Was he trapped?   
He tried morphing and was relieved to find he could still morph.   
The pain in his head and leg faded.   
It was too dark in the mangled husk of the ship for his hawk eyes to be of any use, so Tobias morphed back.   
He untangled the straps that held him to his seat. "Alex?"   
No answer.   
Tobias pushed the piece of hull off himself and sunlight filtered in.   
"Alex?" He called again.   
There was a soft moan to his right.   
Tobias started pulling debris off. "Alex, can you hear me?"   
"Tobias?" The voice was muffled and to the left.   
"I'm coming!" Tobias heaved the piece of unidentifiable machinery off.   
Alex was pinned to the floor of the ship. His upper body was free, but the lower half was trapped by a piece of hull.   
"Oh, God..." Tobias saw the puddle of blood spreading under Alex's body.   
"Tobe, what's happening?"   
"You're pinned down, that's all." Tobias lied, his voice shaking. He had seen a lot during the war, but this...this was Alex. This was his best friend.   
"I can't feel my legs, Tobe."   
"It's okay. I'll get you out, and—"  
"I'm dying, aren't I?"   
"Alex, don't say that!" Tobias whispered desperately, as if, if he didn't admit it, Alex would be okay.   
"I'm dying, I know it."   
"Oh, God, don't say that..."   
"It's true."   
"It'll be okay... Just think of Sarah. You'll be okay."   
"Tobe, go."   
"What? No!"   
"The Yeerks'll come after us. You can't get captured."   
"I'm not leaving you!"   
"Tobias, please."   
"No! I won't let you die!"   
Alex slipping his wedding ring off of his finger and held it out to Tobias. "Take this back to Sarah and tell her I love her."   
"I..."   
"Take it! And take care of her. Promise me you'll make sure she's okay."   
Tobias handled the ring uncertainly. "I..."   
"Promise me!"   
"I promise." Tobias slipped the ring onto his right ring finger. He had broken his promise to Sarah. His word was worth nothing, yet what else could he say?   
"Tell her I love her."   
"I will." Could he? Could he show up on her doorstep without her husband but with his ring and his love? Could he go back at all?   
"Goodbye, Tobias." Alex closed his eyes.   
"Alex?" Tobias felt for a pulse. There was none.   
"Goodbye, Alex."   
Alex was dead. Dead. Tobias's mind would not comprehend that. He touched his face and realized he was crying.   
"I'm sorry, Sarah," he whispered." He had failed. He had failed to save Alex.v A loud  
banging startled him. Tobias turned.   
TSWEEE!   
Tobias ducked behind his arm to protect his face from the searing heat.   
Dracon fire.   
"Human!" The Hork-Bajir Controller said, surprised.   
Tobias froze. He was trapped and weaponless.   
"Surrender!"   
"Screw you!" Tobias grabbed a pipe and heaved at the Controller. Capture was not an option.   
The Controller fired and vaporized the pipe.   
Another aimed at Tobias.   
The last thing he remembered was seeing Rachel's face float before his eyes.   
  
Tobias winced as pain shot through his shoulder.   
The pain however, did wake him.   
"That the human who shot up the base?"   
"One of them. The other bastard's already dead."   
They were speaking in Galard, but the translator chip in Tobias's brain worked perfectly.   
"When does the Visser want him?"   
"In an hour. They're still repairing the pool."   
"It'll be a lucky Yeerk who gets this fool. A certain promotion."   
The other grunted. "Heard the soldiers fight the most. You have to tie them down to keep them from killing themselves."   
The other laughed. "They are merely children. They will break."   
Tobias heard the footsteps fade away and lifted his head. Clear.   
A force field blocked his cell from the hallway. Two guards stood in front, their backs to him, talking.   
Tobias heart pounded in his chest. Soundproof. The field was soundproof.   
_Shit._ He thought.   
Nothing would be small enough to get through that barrier.   
Not that he could morph in full view of the guards anyway. The moment they knew he was an Animorph and not a regular human, they would infest him on the spot.   
Tobias checked his body. Yep, they had stripped him of his weapons.   
Tobias shivered. He would either be killed or infested  
_Let me die._ Death was better than being a Controller.   
Tobias rolled over into a sitting position. His leg seemed a little banged up and his arms a bit sore, and of course, the headache was a side effect of being Draconed, but otherwise, he was fine. _Yeerks are _so_ careful with their prisoners._ He thought wryly.   
Tobias desperately wanted to know how long he had been in morph and if he was trapped yet, but there was no way to find out. He didn't have the Andalites' natural ability to tell time.   
An hour. Maybe two. _I just have to wait. I'll be trapped and they'll kill me and I'll be free._   
Tobias curled into a fetal position and silent tears ran down his face. He had failed. He had lost Alex. How many had he lost over the years? Rachel. Merdin. Beth. Alex. His pilots. How many? Ten? Twenty? How many had died under his watch?   
And the Resistance. All those that died during the war. _Christina._ The Myen spies he handed orders to.   
He was a murderer of the worst kind. They had died because he had told them to. They had died trusting him, believing in him.   
And now it was his turn.   
He had thought so much of himself that he believed he could bring him and Alex out of this alive. He was such a fool.   
It was better that he died here. He would die a hero of the people, praised for his long fight against the Yeerk cancer, loved for the myths.   
He would die in battle like his father before him, a hero that was not perfect, but still revered by the people.   
And what people was that? Both his peoples, the humans and Andalites like his father, or all the peoples of the world? Who were his people? Did he even have one?   
Tobias didn't know. He didn't know who he was or what he wanted, but he did know the legend whispered about him wasn't true. He was not a hero. He was simply a vain fool.   
Tobias looked down at his hands.   
It was still there. Both of them. Alex's ring and his. His ring was still there, amazingly. A circlet of golden hair, perfect in every way. How had it lasted so long? All those battles, all those morphs. But love survived.   
They had gold rings, with a large diamond for Rachel, but they never wore them. Their marriage wasn't built on them. The true rings were the circlets of hair.   
Tobias kissed the ring. He missed her now more than ever, so close to seeing her again.   
Tobias would die here, and so would Sarah's husband.   
He had failed Sarah again.   
_Leave it all behind._   
But Tobias was ready. He wanted rest. He wanted Rachel. So he waited.   
  
"You, Human."   
Tobias looked up. Had it yet been two hours? He had sat in his cell for at least an hour, but had it been two hours since he last morphed? He shivered. He hoped it was. He hoped it was over, that he was trapped for certain.   
They would infest him. They would know, and then they would kill him.   
They had to kill him. He was a sign of failure. No Yeerk would dare to tell their commanders they had squandered the chance for another morph-capable host. That would mean death for them for sure.   
The Yeerks would kill him to cover their mistake. Yes, Tobias was sure of that.   
_If_ he was trapped. If.   
_Run. Just run. Try to buy time. Try to get them to kill you. Whatever it takes._   
The Controller reached to grab Tobias's arm and dragged him up.   
Tobias tensed. He was ready.   
But he wasn't ready for what happened next.   
As the large Hork-Bajir hand closed around his arm, a loud wailing siren sounded throughout the building.   
Tobias stared in shock. An alarm. _An alarm._   
The Controller shoved Tobias back and ran out hurriedly, resetting the force field as he left.   
Tobias jumped to his feet and tried to look as far down the hall as he could. What was going on?   
Wait... Could he morph and escape now?   
Tobias concentrated on his natural form, but the familiar changes did not come._ I'm trapped._ He realized, admitting the grim reality. He had gotten what he wished for. And perhaps, it was for the best.   
Tobias moved back from the bars. It was over.   
Prince Tobias!   
Tobias jerked up. _Thought-speak. _Where? He looked up. There it was! A tiny speck flew down from the ceiling and landed on the floor.   
And the bug began to change.   
Tobias watched with amazement as an Andalite emerged.   
An Andalite he recognized from many years ago. _Aelex._   
He was older, stronger, and taller, at the prime of his life. He vaguely reminded Tobias of another Andalite from the past.   
Across his chest was strapped a belt with a single shredder. Morphing weapons was near impossible, and only small items could be carried.   
Hello, Prince Tobias.   
"Aelex! How did you get in here? The force fields—"  
—Were turned off when the guard entered.   
"You set off that alarm? How?"   
Aelex ignored the question. The guards will return soon. We must move quickly. Though his words suggested nothing, Tobias sensed a coldness about Aelex.   
"What? Aelex, I don't understand..."   
I am here to help you escape. He said quickly. Where's Alex?   
"Alex... Alex's dead."   
Another lost on your watch. Aelex muttered, though obviously not quietly enough.   
"What's that supposed to mean?" Tobias demanded.   
Nothing. Aelex turned away.   
Tobias frowned. "You hate me. Why?"   
I don't hate you.   
"Dislike me, then."   
Aelex was silent for a long time. Finally he whispered. I did. For a long time, I believed you killed Merdin.   
Tobias was shocked. "Wha? I-"  
You didn't _kill_ him, but he died because of you. That's the same thing.   
"Aelex..."   
He was my brother.   
Tobias stared. "What?"   
Merdin was my brother. Aelex whispered bitterly.   
"You do hate me."   
This time, Aelex said nothing.   
"Why are you doing this then?"   
You're too valuable. We can't have you infested.   
"Why risk an escape? You could just kill me and leave."   
A Prince's life is worth more than mine.   
"Your life? You're taking my place?"   
Yes.   
"But..."   
I will die.   
He didn't have to explain why. Tobias knew the Infestation Mandate. Every warrior had sworn to never be captured and infested. Many a warrior had died by their own tailblades.   
Yet... "Why can't we escape together?"   
The Yeerks will be on guard. They must find a body. A body that looks exactly like you. That body will be me.   
"What? You're going to make them think I'm dead?"   
Yes. But he was hesitating before answering; He did not meet Tobias's eyes.   
"Those are not your orders." Tobias realized.   
Aelex looked away.   
"They told you to come and kill me."   
No. They told us to give you instructions to destroy this base. They expect you will die in the process. But there is a crew of four here, and we are saving you.   
Tobias bit his lip. They were risking their lives, ignoring their orders. For him.   
"Why?" He managed to croak.   
They are loyal. And they remember. In the military, friendships are made for life.   
Tobias nodded. He knew this. "And you?"   
My brother died trying to save you. If he thought your life was worth saving, then it must be so. If you die here, my brother would have died in vain. I don't want that.   
Tobias didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure he understood.   
I don't hate you, Tobias. I used to but not anymore. Blame can't be placed on anyone, least of all you. I've had a great career. I've seen some horrible things; I've done some horrible things. I never felt anything. But now, I understand it's not about you and me. It's about freedom everywhere. My life used to have no purpose. Now, I'm going to give it one.   
_This is about some kind of repentance._ Tobias realized.   
As the youngest member of the team, I should have gone back for you, not Merdin. He was trying to protect me.   
"That was almost ten years ago..."   
Honor is still honor. I failed to die for my brother; I will not fail to die for my Prince.   
"Aelex..."   
My brother died in my place, and it was not for nothing. I don't believe in your human gods, but I do believe there is a reason for everything. My brother died and I lived so that I could be here today. It is my turn to join my brother. Please. Let me do this."   
Tobias hesitated, then nodded. Honor was everything to an Andalite, and he understood that and believed in it.   
Aelex touched Tobias's arm, and Tobias felt the lightheadedness that came with being acquired.   
Aelex pressed a button on the communicator on his wrist. They're waiting.   
Tobias nodded.   
The high-pitched alarm that had been sounding though all this suddenly shut down.   
They're coming now. Aelex raised his shredder and shot the force field. It flashed and shut down.   
Alarms blared loudly.   
Go! Aelex shouted.   
They ran.   
They led their pursuers on a chase around the compound, blasting as many as they could.   
Aelex stopped finally in a corridor. Almost there.   
Aelex began to morph.   
It was disturbing for Tobias to watch Aelex change into himself.   
Yet, the Tobias morph was not identical to the original. The eyes were not as blank, nor the face as expressionless. The lips were not pressed tightly together, for the soul was a different one.   
A morphing suit identical to Tobias's also appeared. Aelex was now completely human.   
The sound of feet pounding on metal reached closer.   
"The ship is waiting outside. Here is where we part."   
Tobias grasped Aelex's hand and shook it. "Thank you, _Prince_ Aelex."   
Aelex's eyes widened in surprise. "Thank you, my prince."   
Aelex glanced around the corner. "They're almost here." He pressed the shredder into Tobias's hand. "Hurry. Do it now."   
Tobias blanched. Kill him? Aelex was asking _him_ to kill him?   
But the look on Aelex's face was a determined one. It had to be this way. Maximum destruction.   
Tobias's hand shook as he turned the setting to kill.   
"Good luck." Aelex whispered.   
"Give Merdin my greetings."   
Tobias fired, then turned and ran, blasting the door open.   
Outside, he turned back and fired into the roof of the base, bringing the whole section caving down on the guards who had just discovered Aelex's body. Then he tossed the shredder in with the mix and left.   
A desperate human with no hope of escape had just committed suicide and taken as many as he could with him.   
Tobias easily found the ship where Cinto was waiting.   
They waited two hours for the compound to settle, then left undetected.   
  
Tobias could no longer fight safely. His spying capabilities were gone, and because he was no longer a hawk, so was his immunity to infestation.   
He was discharged with high honors, but discharge nonetheless.   
An offer came from Tactical, but he turned it down. Tobias could not be contained in an office.   
And then... a letter. From his old friend Marco, who had remained on Earth. He was getting married, and he wanted Tobias to stand with him.   
Going back would be hard. Too many dark memories. Too many broken dreams. But was space any better? Ten years ago, he had left with Rachel to escape the memories of the war on Earth. He had left Earth, thinking he had no home, no family there to make his own. But now his family was gone. His life was gone. And all that was left were memories darker than the old ones.   
Tobias realized he had been wrong when he left Earth. He did have a family there. He had his friends. They were his family. He had spent sixteen years of his life there. He had his memories. He had never completely left. As much as he loved space, Earth would always be home.   
So he agreed. After all, there was nothing left for him in the Final Frontier.   
Tobias was going home. 

-/|\-

_"The ship is now exiting Z-Space. If you look to your right as we approach, you will notice that from our viewpoint we will see a rare total ellipse of the sun by Earth as viewed from space."_   
Tobias watched as the alignment began. Earth moved before the sun and became as black as the space around it. Nothing of her features could be seen. Even the oceans that distinguished Earth in space were gone. It was as if Earth had been swallowed by space.   
Earth moved. The ellipse was ending. Tobias watched as the black dot that was Earth seemed to touch the blackness of the heavens.   
_When heaven and earth meet..._   
A voice quivered his memory.   
_Only when all the seas dry, and heaven and earth meet, would I ever stop loving you._   
Tobias remembered.   
His vow... His vow to Rachel  
_...all the seas dry..._   
_...heaven and earth meet..._   
Both had just happened.   
Tobias shook himself. No, they had only _seemed_ to happen. It merely _looked_ like all the oceans were gone and Earth and space were touching. It had not _really_ happened. The seas were still there. There was still an atmosphere between Earth and space...   
And yet...   
Tobias stared at Earth. The Earth he was returning to.   
Could it be today, today of all days, that he stopped loving Rachel?   
No... Never. He could never stop loving Rachel. That was an impossibility.   
And yet...   
No! No one could ever replace Rachel in his heart.   
No one...   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Be nice and review! Or throw rotten tomatoes and review. Either way is fine with me ^_^ 


	6. The Wedding

Shadows   
_A/N: **Finally!** I'm out of school and pretty much free. This is the last full chapter which ties up everything (almost) in a neat little package. :P The song at the end is 'I Will Always Love You' from The Bodyguard by Whitney Houston._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_The Wedding _**  
  
This is how it should have been   
Between you and me   
But how can our love ever be   
When we're still caught   
In the Shadows of our Pasts   
  
  
Jordan came downstairs and kissed him. "Mmmhhh... Morning."   
Tobias grinned. "Morning."   
Jordan grabbed a cup and poured out her morning dose of caffeine.   
Marco wrinkled his nose. "How can you drink that black?" He asked, his own cup of well-diluted cream-'n'-sugar in hand.   
Sara made a face. "How can you drink that stuff at _all_?"   
"Yeah, Marco," Tobias teased, "you know coffee stunts your growth."   
Marco made a face. "Shoo, Bird-boy."   
Lydia walked in with a glass of juice and a plateful of toast. As soon as she set the plate down the hungry crowd devoured it.   
"Hey, honey." She gave Marco a quick kiss on the lips and sat down.   
Marco turned bright red, and they all laughed. Even then, so close to his wedding, he was still shy about PDA, not at all the way he used to act as a kid.   
"Hey, I'm going to the bridal place today," Lydia announced. "Jordan, Sara? You want to come?"   
Sara grinned, and you could almost see the bridesmaid dresses dancing in her eyes. "Yeah!"   
Jordan smiled, amused by her sister's antics. "Sure."   
Marco grinned at Tobias. "And what do you say we go rent the tuxes?"   
Tobias nodded. "Good idea."   
Marco leaned over. "And go pick up Jake and Cassie too," he whispered conspiratorially.   
Tobias grinned. "Got it."   
"What are you two boys whispering about?" Jordan asked, but her smile erased any seriousness.   
"You'll see." Marco jumped up and pulled Tobias with him. "We'll be back for dinner."   
Jordan laughed and watched them go.   
  
The airport was crowded, as usual. The good part was that Jake and Cassie would be arriving on a private jet, so there wouldn't be any delays. The bad part was that Jake wanted to stay low-key, so he and Cassie would be disguised and exiting with another group.   
Marco showed Tobias two pictures. "These are the people they morphed. Keep an eye out for them."   
Tobias nodded. Morphing was the easiest way to maintain secrecy. Marco too had morphed on the way over, and no one could recognize him using his military ID.   
"There they are." Marco pointed to what looked like a harried couple just back from visiting in-laws.   
Tobias almost laughed. Everything from their hair to the way they walked was different.   
Tobias followed Marco as he made his way through the crowd.   
"Hey, Jake!"   
The man's face spread into a large grin. "Hey, Marco." They shook hands discretely.   
"Hey, Cassie. Hey, Jake." Tobias smiled.   
Cassie hugged him while Jake pumped his hand.   
"Oh, it's good to see you again, Tobias," she murmured.   
"Come on."   
Marco led them back to the car. "Demorph in the car. We've got all the tuxes. Cassie, Lydie will take you dress shopping later, but right now," Marco swung the car into full gear and out of the parking lot, "we need to get back and surprise Jordan."   
Tobias grinned. Only Marco would pull a stunt like this. Surprise Jordan indeed!   
Marco pressed a button and the windows darkened. "Demorph."   
They did.   
"Some reporters got wind of a rumor you were coming here, so we'll have to keep you two under wraps for a day or two 'til they clear out." Marco explained.   
_So that's the reason for all this secrecy._ Tobias mused to himself. "How did you find that out?" He asked Marco.   
"Jake and Cassie are always hot, so I was on the look out. And you remember that taxi in front of the airport?"   
Tobias blinked. "Yeah, there was one, but there's _always_ a taxi there."   
"It was there for over fifteen minutes."   
"So? It could have been waiting for someone."   
"The light was on."   
Jake muttered something that that sounded distinctly inappropriate. "One week, that's all I ask. One week out of the public eye. _One week_."   
Cassie kissed him. "Don't worry. They won't find us."   
Marco smirked at the two in the back seat. "Just wait 'til you take the Secretary of Defense position."   
Jake jerked up. "How did you know about that? Diane just announce her candidacy last week!"   
"Oooo... On a first-name basis now, aren't you?" Marco teased.   
"Aw, shaddup. You know how closely I've worked with Anderson in the past. Pity he can't run for re-election, really," he added. "And how _did_ you know?"   
Marco just smiled. "I hear things. So, you taking the job?"   
"I don't know..." Jake said slowly.   
Marco scoffed. "Oh, don't tell me you said that to _her_."   
"Of course not." Cassie grinned. "He was very polite. And then after he hung up, he pulled me off the couch and started dancing."   
Tobias shook his head. "She hasn't even been elected yet. How do you know she'll even be president?"   
Marco rolled his eyes. "Is there any doubt? She's pretty much uncontested in the primaries. Besides, the Republicans are fighting cats and dogs over who gets the nomination, and there's that crazy dude running under the pro-Yeerk platform."   
"That's not crazy." Cassie muttered.   
Marco shot her a look. "At the very least he's unpopular."   
Jake shook his head in disgust. "He's just a front. The party's controlled by white supremacists."   
"You don't know that."   
"He's right, Cassie," Marco interrupted.   
Cassie sighed. "I wish _our_ party would acknowledge the peace movement."   
"We will," Jake said with force. "But only when it's time. Right now we're under a pro-Andalite banner."   
"What do you mean by that?" Tobias asked.   
"More treaties like the one we've had. A stronger alliance militarily, more interaction between regular citizens."   
"And Roberts wanted your support this early on?" Tobias asked.   
"Of course." Marco gave Tobias an amused look. "You've been out of touch with Earth politics for too long. Jake's the most popular man alive. The only reason he's not president is 'cause he needs a few more years to grow a beard."   
Jake laughed. "Yeah, right. And Kennedy was popular too."   
Marco waved it off. "Unless some major scandal pops out of nowhere and we suddenly declare war on the Andalites, Roberts will be elected. Jake will be named Secretary of Defense. Eight years down the road, he's vice president, then president."   
Jake frowned. "Quit planning my life."   
Marco was undeterred. "You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it.   
"You're the man, Jake."   
  
Tobias checked to make sure Jordan was asleep. Marco and Lydia were staying in Jordan's room while Jake and Cassie were staying with Erek to avoid the media camp around their houses.   
He opened his trunk and pulled out the small black device. The window opened easily, and Tobias slipped out, landing like a cat on the grass.   
He moved a ways into the bushes so no one could detect him easily.   
He fumbled for the earpiece, then turned the communicator on. Too bad his computer battery was drained.   
Galuit. You there?   
A pause. Then, "Yes, Tobias."   
Good.   
"Why have you not called in so long? It's been a month since your last communication."   
Tobias winced internally. It had been a month since Jordan had nearly caught him, and every time he thought about calling Galuit, he felt guilty for keeping secrets.   
I've been busy.   
Look, Tobias came to the topic he wanted to discuss, we've got a problem.   
"What do you mean?"   
The situation with Alex could destabilize the political position on Earth.   
"How?"   
The elections are coming up. We don't need a military scandal.   
"So what should we do?"   
We can't wait any longer. I must talk to her.   
"But the mission isn't planned for another month."   
We'll just have to keep on pretending.   
  
"Tobias?" Jordan looked up.   
Tobias turned. "I've got to go take care of something."   
"What?   
"I can't tell you." He looked away quickly as his voice broke.   
"I'm sorry, Jordan."   
"What will I tell the others?"   
"That I went out for a jog and that you're going to meet me somewhere. Wait a bit, then leave and go to the Hilton by the spaceport. Don't go anywhere. I'll come to the Hilton to pick you up."   
Jordan suddenly felt like she was fourteen years old again and being sent out on a mission. "Tobias...?"   
"Please, Jordan."   
She nodded. Whatever he was going to do, she had to trust him.   
  
He took the first plane to Austin, then rented a car with a fake credit card and license.   
The drive out to the farm took a little over an hour. (Thank God for the new faster cars.)   
The farm was more of a ranch really, when you looked at it. A house, a barn, horses, a few chickens.   
It used to be a real farm, but now Sarah lived in it alone and used the place as a studio for her painting.   
Tobias parked the car next to the Jeep in front of the barn.   
He took a deep breath to work up his nerve. He had done a lot of dangerous things, gone on a lot of missions, but this...   
Sarah was not just another person on the road. Sarah meant something.   
He knocked.   
And the door opened.   
She looked just as she did the last time he had seen her nearly five years ago, except there were dark shadows under her eyes.   
"Tobias!"   
"Hello, Sarah."   
  
Tobias declined the polite offering of coffee. "About Alex..."   
He saw her hand shake slightly. "He hasn't come home. My neighbors keep saying he left me for another woman, but Alex wouldn't do that. Alex would never—" She stopped. The tears ran silently down her face.   
"They said he'd been delayed on a mission..." She finally whispered, not really stating who 'they' were, but Tobias understood.   
"I know."   
"It's been three months. Three months and he still isn't home!" She looked at him, her eyes pleading. "Where's my husband, Tobias?"   
He turned away. "I'm sorry, Sarah." This was so hard. This was so goddamn hard.   
She shook him. "I want to know! I have a right to know!"   
"Alex would never have left you."   
"Then where is he?" She stopped suddenly and looked up at him. "You're speaking in past tense..."   
Tobias grabbed her hand and pushed the small metal object into her palm.   
She jerked her hand away and, opening it, looked at the object.   
A ring. Her husband's wedding ring.   
She looked up, disbelief written into the etches of her face.   
"That's your answer."   
"No..."   
"I'm sorry." And he meant it.   
"What happened to my husband?" She raged, beating her small fists on his chest.   
"Sarah..."   
"Tell me!"   
"He died in my arms. I'm sorry, Sarah, I couldn't save him."   
She was crying now, sobbing. He let her cry and put his arms across her shoulders and held her. "Oh, Sarah..."   
  
Jordan absentmindedly flipped through the TV channels. News channel, weather, old cartoons, NBC. Too bad there were only twelve English-speaking channels you could get in the world. It would take a while for the entertainment industry to return to its former grandeur before the War.   
_Click. _  
The lock turned.   
"Tobias?"   
The door swung open.   
He stood there. Sometime ago it had started raining, and now he was dripping little puddles onto the floor.   
"Tobias?" Jordan got out of bed. "What's wrong?"   
He hugged her tightly, as if clinging to the one lifeline he had left. "I told her."   
"Told who?" She pressed her hand against his cheek. He was shaking. And so cold.   
"Sarah."   
"Who's Sarah?" Part of her was instantly jealous.   
Tobias stumbled forward and sat down on the bed. Jordan sat next to him.   
"Alex's wife."   
"Alex?"   
"He died not long ago."   
"That's too bad. But..."   
"He was my best friend. And he should never have died."   
"Tobias...?"   
"I went with him to make sure he never died, but he did. He—" Tobias stopped. "The mission was a secret. The ship was Alliance-built, but it was stock-full of Andalite technology."   
"I don't understand. What does that—"   
"The treaty was only signed two months ago. Before that, transfer of technology, especially war technology was illegal, but people did it anyway. Look at the cars, the satellites. It's all built by fusing Andalite technology with human designs. That's what Marco does for a living."   
"But if the treaty has been signed, what does it matter anymore?"   
"It was a military venture. The Andalites gave the Alliance the information to build a Z-space capable craft. Not only that, but the purpose of this ship was to attack a Yeerk base on a planet in Andalite space."   
"So the Alliance needed confirmation from its members..."   
"They knew it would jeopardize the mission to ask, so they went ahead with it without confirmation."   
"Oh, God..."   
"The entire project was covered up and all evidence destroyed. Alex was an Alliance liaison officer to the Andalite military, and his death proves that the Alliance was involved. We've been trying to keep it out of the media ever since."   
"And now?"   
"Jake's political career throws a spin on things. This is a scandal we can't afford, so I had to tell Sarah the truth."   
"Is she going to...?"   
"No. She understands the complexity of galaxial politics, but sooner or later, someone's going to realize that Alex has been missing for three months, and they'll start asking questions. Questions we can't answer."   
"What are you going to do?"   
Tobias stroked Jordan's hair. "I don't know."   
  
Tobias closed his eyes. Talking had brought it all back. All the memories, all the old hurts.   
But he was safe here. Safe with Jordan.   
She just sat there, her head fitting neatly into the crook of his shoulder. "Jordan..." He hesitated. "We should go. It's late."   
Jordan tilted her head up, her dark eyes looking into his soul. "Let's stay."   
"Okay," Tobias whispered, and he kissed her.   
She kissed back, her mouth opening to let him explore each secret crevice.   
Her right arm found his neck while her left remained encircled behind his back. The weight of her body shifted, and the kiss deepened.   
Tobias fell back, carrying Jordan with him. His hands, as if on automatic, tugged at the back of her shirt.   
She fumbled with his belt buckle with one hand, not breaking the kiss.   
Soon both were undressed, the pieces of clothing scattered across the floor.   
Tobias could feel Jordan's heart beating under her breasts, strong and steady, in rhythm with his own.   
Her hot breath fell on his neck. "Make love to me."   
So he did.   
  
Jordan was pretty sure she had just screamed something, which came as a bit of a surprise to her. She was no virgin, though it had been a year since she last slept with Lawrence. But with Tobias, it was different. More about the emotions coursing through her veins and the fire of his touch than mere companionship and coexistence. She had experienced passion, but never such as this.   
But with Tobias, it was more than just passion. He made her feel whole; he made her feel right. She wanted to think that that was love. What else could it be?   
She was in a private paradise, just for the two of them. She loved Tobias, and she was ready to spend her life with him.   
She gave herself to him three times that night, and each time was more beautiful than the last.   
Tobias cried while they made love, tears falling down his face. It had been a long time.   
He whispered her name and sweet words of love, but in moments of passion he would scream her sister's name.   
She forgot it. What did it matter? He was hers now, even if his heart belonged to another.   
She would make him forget.   
  
Jordan stared at the ceiling from the bed. How was it that life was so complicated?   
Here she was, in love with a man who loved her, but was he free to love her?   
"'Til death do us part" was the common vow, but forever was different. Forever was a long time. Forever meant never for her.   
She had watched their wedding. She had witnessed that love. Who was she to think that she could ever replace that.   
She reached over and shook Tobias. "Wake up, it's morning."   
Tobias rolled over. "Rachel..."   
Jordan stifled a sob. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. No matter how happy she made him, to him all she was a clone of her sister.   
Jordan got out of bed and searched around for her underwear. She needed a shower.   
  
Tobias dreamed. He dreamed he was back on his old base and Rachel was asleep beside him. She was alive, and she was with him again.   
She leaned over him and touched his shoulder. Her hand was warm and real, and it was the most wonderful thing he had ever felt.   
Tobias rolled over. "Rachel..."   
Silence.   
Then, sounds. She was moving around...water running...   
Tobias woke with a start. He was in a bed, and he was naked, and somebody, presumably the reason he had no clothes, on was in the shower.   
_Rachel._ His mind immediately jumped to that name.   
No...no, Rachel was dead...   
Could the last eight years have just been a horrible dream?   
He wanted it to be so. He wanted...   
Then it all came flying back at him. Sarah's ranch, the conversation with Jordan, and the night they shared.   
Tobias's heart hammered in his chest. He had just made love to his wife's sister.   
No, not wife. Rachel was dead... dead... dead.   
The bathroom door opened, and Jordan stepped out, freshly showered and fully clothed.   
"Jordan..." Tobias stumbled out of bed, getting tangled in the sheet.   
"Don't bother," Jordan whispered bitterly.   
"Jordan, what's wrong?"   
"You and me."   
"What?"   
"Rachel isn't dead. Not to you she isn't."   
Tobias stared. "Jordan, _I love you_!"   
She looked like she was about to cry, but Jordan didn't cry easily. "That counts bullshit when you're still in love with my sister."   
"Of course I love her. I married her for godsake!"   
"Well, what am I then? Some goddamn prostitute you sleep with for kicks?"   
"No! Damnit, Jordan, I love you! Can't you see that?"   
Jordan looked away. "The only reason you love me, Tobias," She said in a hollow sort of voice, "is because I remind you of Rachel."   
"I—" Tobias was about to protest when he realized her words were true. She did remind him of his old love.   
But he loved her because of more than that. Didn't he? He had to.   
"You feel guilty about this, don't you?" Jordan demanded.   
Tobias couldn't say no. "Don't you?"   
"There's nothing to feel guilty about! She's dead! She's been dead for eight years."   
"She's your sister."   
Jordan shuddered. "My sister in life always had the spotlight on her, so bright that it ellipsed everything and everyone else in her life. In death, my sister casts a shadow so long and dark that I'm still trapped in it. And so are you."   
Tobias took a step forward, but Jordan backed away.   
"Jordan, we can work this out."   
"What is there left, Tobias? I can't do this. I can't be with a man who loves another woman, even if she's dead. I can't deal with you seeing Rachel's face in mine. I can't—" Her voice faltered. "I'm sick of Rachel being first, of Rachel being number one. I shared my life with her, but I can't share you."   
"Jordan, please..." Tobias wasn't sure what he was asking. Maybe for her to stay, maybe for her to be someone else, someone not like Rachel.   
"I've got to go, Tobias." Jordan slipped on her jacket. "Goodbye."   
And she walked out. Out of the room, out of what they had.   
Tobias sat back on the bed, and he knew he had just lost his last best chance for happiness.   
  
Jordan collapsed against the elevator wall. The tears had started falling the moment she walked out that door. She would not let Tobias see her cry. She wouldn't let him know how much he had meant to her.   
How stupid could she get? Falling in love with her sister's husband.   
She would call Lawrence. Tonight. And tell him...   
Tell him what?   
That she had fallen in love with a man who wasn't free? And now she was running back to him?   
Jordan straightened as the elevator jarred to a stopped. She smoothed her hair, wiped away the tears, and walked out like the independent woman she was.   
She would return to school in the fall. There would still be a place for her. She would finish Med school like she'd always wanted, and if Lawrence still happened to be there, well, that would be fine too.   
Tobias was a mistake. Not the bad kind you made like driving drunk or doing drugs, just something that hadn't worked out. And she, Jordan, learned from her mistakes, and lived to walk away.   
  
Tobias got dressed and paid the bill, moving and speaking on autopilot.   
_I should have known. Every time I open my heart, it gets broken. _  
The drive back was uneventful, and if anything did happen, Tobias didn't notice it.   
Jordan had arrived home before him and was quietly sipping tea as Cassie showed them her dress.   
Neither of them acknowledged each other.   
Instead, Tobias complimented Cassie's dress, then made some excuse to go up stairs.   
But Marco noticed his departure and followed him.   
"Tobias? What's wrong?"   
Tobias said nothing.   
"We were worried. You were gone all day, and you didn't come back last night. Jordan too." His stopped suddenly. "Oh, God, you two didn't—" He saw the look on Tobias's face. "You did, didn't you?" His voice rose. "You slept with her! _Why?_"   
"She asked me to."   
"Jordan _asked_ you? What?"   
"She—" Tobias's throat constricted as he tried to explain. "I think she loves me."   
"You're a real bastard, you know that?"   
"What? For sleeping with her?" Tobias snapped.   
"For hurting her. For making her falling in love with you. For making her think you cared."   
"Marco..."   
"You're not ready for this, but you made her think you were. You're trying to catch the last wisps of your past, and she's trying to move on. You shouldn't have slept with her until you knew you were ready. You _hurt_ her, Tobias."   
Tobias sighed, "I know. But I do love her, Marco."   
"Sometimes love isn't enough. You're living in a dream world, Tobias. Life isn't a fairy tale. You're not Prince Charming, and she's not Cinderella."   
Tobias didn't say anything for a long time. Marco was right. 'Love conquers all' didn't apply to real life, but he didn't want to give up Jordan either.   
"I love her." He managed to whisper.   
"Then do what's best for her."   
"Okay." Tobias realized he was crying. "I guess I've lost her."   
Marco patted Tobias's shoulder in a rare moment of sympathy. "At least, for a while, you had her."   
  
Jordan stared straight ahead of her. It was unnerving to be standing up here at the altar beside Tobias.   
What made it even more unnerving was that just days ago she, was ready to marry him.   
Jordan focused her mind on Marco, who was standing slightly to the side waiting for his bride.   
She stepped off the aisle and to the side, her walk complete. All eyes turned to the door.   
The music started, and everyone stood.   
Lydia glided down the aisle. Alone, because her father was long dead.   
Jordan recalled a wedding long ago. A girl, barely sixteen, walking alone, because her father too was dead.   
_"I vow to love, cherish, and adore you, here on Earth, or elsewhere, fighting or at peace, free...or not..." _  
"Do you Lydia..." The voices mixed and merged into one, and the memories crashed upon her in waves.   
_"...forevermore, because nothing, not even death, can destroy our eternal love." _  
"I do."   
_"...I will always love you."   
_"And do you, Marco, solemnly swear..."   
_"...only when all the seas dry..."   
_"I do."   
_"…and Heaven and Earth meet..."   
_"With this ring, I marry thee."   
_"…would I stop loving you." _  
"I now pronounce you Husband and wife." _  
"You may kiss the bride." _  
Tears began to fall down her cheeks. Jordan reached out blindly for a hand to hold and found Tobias's.   
It didn't matter anymore that Rachel stood between them. She loved him, and she probably always would.   
  
As the first dance between bride and groom ended, the band started another soft tune.   
_  
If I should stay   
I would only be in your way   
So I'll go but I know   
I'll think of you   
Every step of the way   
_   
Tobias turned to Jordan and bowed offering his hand. "May I have this dance?"   
Jordan hesitated, then slipped her hand into his. "You may."   
Tobias placed his other hand at her waist in traditional ballroom form.   
The dance was slow, simple but the most memorable of both their lives.   
_  
Bittersweet memories,   
That is all I'm taking with me   
So goodbye, please don't cry   
We both know I'm not what you, you need   
_  
"I'm sorry." Tobias whispered.   
"It's not your fault. It's just the way things are."   
"I do love you." He paused. "If I hadn't married Rachel..."   
"I know." Jordan looked out into the sea of faces around them. "Was it the war that did it?"   
"Did what?"   
"Made you fall in love with her."   
"The war did as lot of things. It brought us together, and then—" He hesitated. "I suppose we needed each other to survive."   
"If only..."   
"The war hadn't happened?"   
_  
I hope life treats you kind   
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of   
And I wish you joy and happiness   
but above all this, I wish you love   
_  
Jordan shrugged once with her shoulders. "Would anything be different?"   
"I don't know. Maybe."   
"Oh." Jordan looked away.   
"But," Tobias stopped and tilted her chin back at him, "I _do_ know that you're the sister I should have met first."   
A sob rose in her throat. "Maybe in another lifetime."   
_  
I will always love you   
You, darling I love you   
I'll always, I'll always love you_   
  
"All right!" Marco shouted, standing on the stage for the band. "Time for the bride to throw the bouquet! All single women over here! Unfortunately for you all," he added, "I'm taken." He winked at Lydia and she laughed.   
"Come on!" Sara grinned and grabbed Jordan's arm and pulled her into the crowd despite Jordan's futile protests.   
"Sara, I—"   
_Thwack. _  
Jordan was cut off as something soft but bulky hit her face. Instinctively, she stepped back and threw up her hands to protect herself, but instead, she caught a bunch of flowers: White roses, but to her, they looked like dandelions.   
  
"My turn!" Marco yelled cheerfully. He lifted Lydia's skirt to reach for the garter, and she slapped his head playfully.   
Naomi shrieked and covered Sara's eyes with her hands.   
"Mooooom!" Sara protested.   
Jake laughed. "Teeth, Marco, teeth!"   
Marco gave Jake a mock look of disbelief. "Moi?"   
"It's payback time, Marco."   
Cassie blushed and giggled, something rather out of character, but considering what had happened at her and Jake's wedding...   
Tobias smiled as he remembered. Marco had set up numerous embarrassing episodes for the newlyweds. No wonder Jake wanted some retribution.   
Marco threw up his hands in mock surrender and did as Jake commanded.   
"Get ready guys!"   
Jordan pushed Tobias closer to the center of the room.   
"Uh-uh." Tobias shook his head. "No way."   
"Oh, no, you don't." Jordan shook her finger at him. "I had to, now so do you."   
"Oh, _fine_." Tobias surrendered, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.   
Marco raised the white garter and aimed. He aimed well too, because it hit Tobias right in the center of his chest, not even giving him a chance to attempt to avoid it.   
Jordan came up to him, the bouquet still in her hand. "Maybe next lifetime around." She smiled.   
He smiled back. "It's a date."   
The music started again.   
  
_I will remember you   
Will you remember me? _  
  
"Come on." Tobias held out his hand. "Let's dance."   


-/|\-

  
The news came two weeks later, splashed across the headlines and plastered onto the 'Top Story's of every news show.   
Tobias Fangor was dead. The most famous casualty of the Human-Yeerk War.   
They called him a hero.   
Like his father.   
And like his father, there was no funeral.   
There wasn't even a body.   
He was dead, sent out on a mission he knew he would never return from. The end of the conspiracy.   
Jordan cried, but tears did not bring him back.   
Maybe if they had been Rachel's tears.   
There was nothing left there for Jordan. She went back to her planned and jaded life—school and Lawrence—and forgot she had ever tried to step through the shadow.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_______________________________________________________________________  
Hehe, believe it or not, that's not the ending. There's an epilogue on the way...REVIEW!!!


	7. Epilogue - Parting

Epilogue - Parting   
**Rather important A/N:** Okay, this is it, end of the fic. Had to bring them back for one last goodbye. ::sob:: The song is 'I Will Remember You' by Sarah McLachlan.   
  
SKIP THE REST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR MY SAPPY GOODBYE.   
This, I think, is my last Animorphs fic. I've been trying to get inspiration to smack me in the head, but it's not quite working. If I ever get motivated enough, I think I'll finish some of my other series, but... Well, I started a 'New Ending' fic based on a rewrite of (surprise) the last book, but it's not really going anywhere. And I'm anxious to start a long HP fic. That's not much of an excuse.   
I guess I'm just tired or something. I think I'm losing what little talent I had. Me wanting to write HP is not an excuse for me to stop writing Animorphs, as much as I wish it could be. But I'm not who I was when I started writing. I'd like to think I'm a better person now. I don't know, maybe I've outgrown Animorphs. That's a scary thought. I'll be 17 in September. I'll be a senior, and applying to college and stuff. In other words, outrageously busy. Even summer. We're going to California to check out Stanford. Heard it's nice.   
I'm going into retirement. Maybe I'll come back some day. Maybe one of these days I'll wake up and smack myself in the head and think 'What kind of idiot am I?', but right now, I can't see myself writing anything more.   
KAA is ending the series, and I'm moving on. Goodbye everyone. I'll still be around to read, I'll still love the fandom. It's given me a lot of great memories. I'll see you around. Thanks to everyone who beta-ed, who reviewed, and most of all, who wrote. It means a lot. I guess this 'goodbye' ending is an appropriate fic for my goodbyes. As the last line says, I _will_ remember you. It's been a great ride and I'll miss it. Love yas all.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Epilogue - Parting _**  
  
_A long time ago I met you   
And things would never be the same   
I thought what we had was meant to be   
Except for our Shadows from the Past _  
  
  
"Congratulations."   
Jordan looked up the man before her. He was tall with dark hair and a beard. He seemed vaguely familiar...   
"Do I know you?"   
He smiled. "My name is Alexander William Johnson."   
She hesitated. "I thought, maybe..."   
The music started.   
  
_I will remember you   
Will you remember me? _  
  
He held out his hand. "May I have this dance?"   
_  
Don't let you life pass you by   
Weep not for the memories _  
  
"Tobias!" She gasped.   
He simply looked at her and smiled. "Come on, this is our song."   
_  
Remember the good times that we had?   
I let them slip away from us when things go bad _  
  
She slipped into his arms.   
"Is it really you?"   
"Yes."   
"They said you died."   
"I know."   
She looked up. "They lied. Like before?"   
"Yes."   
_  
How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun   
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one _  
  
_Alexander._ The connection clicked in her mind. "You're masquerading as your friend."   
"Yes, I am."   
"But..."   
"If anyone learned Alex was dead, a lot of people would have been implicated. To cover for the Alliance, someone had to become Alex, to take over his life."   
"And you—" She hesitated. "What about his wife?"   
"She's my wife now."   
A tear dripped down her cheek, but Tobias wiped it away. "Don't cry. It's your wedding day."   
_  
I'm so tired but I can't sleep   
Standing on the edge of something much too deep _  
  
"Does Jake know?"   
"Yes, and Cassie and Ax and Marco."   
"Why didn't he tell me?"   
"Because I told him not to."   
"What? But—" She stared at him, searching his eyes for a reason, some explanation, and while she didn't find an answer, those eyes did say that he had never meant to hurt her.   
_  
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word   
We're screaming inside, but we can't be heard _  
  
"I love you." She whispered.   
_Love._ Present tense, not past.   
"Exactly. What we had, what we _have_, can never be. You know that, I know that. You needed to move on, and so did I. So I let you think that I was gone, so you would search for the life you deserve to have. And you did, and now you have it. You're Mrs. Lawrence Raymond, surgeon extraordinaire, and I'm just Alex Johnson, retired Alliance Colonel and elementary school teacher."   
_  
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose   
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose _  
  
"Tobi—" He stopped her. "Alex." She amended. "There's something I have to tell you."   
"What is it?"   
"I have a daughter."   
_  
Once there was a darkness deep and endless night   
You gave me everything you had, oh, you gave me light _  
  
She turned, her gaze sweeping across the room until she spotted the blond head of curls she sought. "Her name is Rachel."   
Tobias inhaled sharply. He watch the little girl, blond and blue-eyed, in a princess-like white dress.   
"How old is she?" He finally asked in a disembodied sort of voice.   
"Four and a bit." Jordan answered, equally solemn.   
"Is she..." Tobias hesitated.   
"Is she yours?" Jordan shrugged. "I don't know. She was born about the right time, but there's equal chance she's Lawrence's."   
Jordan sighed. "It doesn't really matter. I love her, and so does Lawrence. He thinks she's his, and DNA won't change that."   
"Then why did you tell me?"   
"Because I thought you deserved to know." _  
  
And I will remember you   
Will you remember me? _  
  
Tobias nodded. "You named her Rachel."   
Jordan's chin trembled slightly. "For my sister. And for you."   
_  
Don't let your life pass you by   
Weep not for the memories _  
  
The music ended once again.   
"I have to go now." Tobias whispered.   
Jordan kissed him softly on the cheek. "Goodbye, Mr. Johnson. It has been a pleasure knowing you."   
"Goodbye, Mrs. Raymond, and congratulations on your marriage."   
She watched him go. She didn't cry. What they had had been a fantastic dream, one that she would never forget, but in the real world, dreams didn't come true.   
Jordan turned back to the party and to the arms of her waiting husband.   
  
_ I will remember you _  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
